Sunday, August 24, 2014

Baby Loss: My Story

I have been debating about whether or not I should write this. I don't like writing stories that are not mine to write, however, I thought I would do this and (at the risk of sounding selfish), write on how Baby Loss effected me (sorry, I know there is a word that I am trying to say, but I can't seem to find it at the moment).

My mom had a few miscarriages and I won't go into all the details, but I remember one in particular. I was certainly old enough to run the house, cause I remember doing just that. I remember feeling really sad when she lost the baby, but also, exhausted and overwhelmed. I was the oldest girl in the first (well, still am!) and was pretty much running the household (along with Dad) while Mom was recovering. I don't remember a whole lot about it, but I do remember feeling like I had lost a little brother. I remember seeing the baby after, well, you know, and I remember thinking on how formed it was. Mom and Dad named him, and buried him under one of the apple trees in our yard. I think I cried after a few days, probably more from being tired than anything else.

The point I am making is that it takes the toll on the family too. If the family have older kids (in their teens, and young adults) and if they are living at home, it can take be stressful for them, too. Let them know that you understand if they feel, sad, overwhelmed, etc. Even if the loss is "just" a miscarriage, it still sucks and it is very sad. Go easy on the older kids. Yes, have them help out, but make sure they have down time, too. Make sure it's ok to ask questions. Allow them to help you name the baby, if you decide to name him/her. Allow them to make their sibling a little memory or shadow box. If you decide to have burial service, allow them to be a part in the planning. Even younger kids can be/get involved in this process. Allow them to send balloons off, or write a note to God, or to the baby; something that allows them to be involved. My family was pretty open during all this time. We could ask questions, and be involved if we wanted to. Allow them to express sadness. They have lost a little brother/sister; and (if they knew you were expecting) their dreams of having a new baby to hold and love on is gone.

I guess I thought I would let you all know that even though I haven't experienced the loss of a baby (that I know of..they say that some periods can actually be miscarriages), I DO understand it from a siblings' point of view.


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