Five on Friday/Random 5

Hello Friday!!!

I was going to add pictures to this wks post, but I just don't feel like uploading them to FB, then saving them, etc.

To be honest, I am a bit in a bad mood. Just really stressed....hubby is stressed....that being said, here are a few things that I enjoyed this wk.

1. Downton Abbey SSN 4.

A friend from our Bible Study who is a fellow DA fan felt that she needed to get me season 4. That's right, I can now FINISH the season at my leisure..love it.

2. Club Soda.

I love it with juice. It tastes good and b/c it has no sugar, you only have to put in a little bit of juice to make it drinkable. Love it.

3. Extra money and 2 more GC's.

We got taken to lunch today by the treasurure and his wife, and our mentors. They fave Anker a Thank you gift, two GC's and some money to help us out. It was muchly appreciated. We also went to visit our pastor, and he gave us a bit more money to help us. We were able to get our car insurance paid this month, and we divided the rest.

4. Scandal.

I have watched the first half of the first season. The jury (i mean me) is still out on whether or not I will continue after this season is finished, but I must say, I do quite like it.

5. Coffee Date.

Hubby and I had a date afternoon at Starbucks the other day. We each got a drink (cap for him, HC for me), and we shared a cookie. I know. we live a wild and crazy life. We had a nice time together; we talked about his appointment (which I will blog about later), and read the paper, and just people watched. We had a nice time.

Random 5 Friday

1. We have a new neigbour. She stole our parking spot. I already don't like her. I slept on the couch last night, to see if she is a partyer. She went home last night, and so far, seems to be quite. We shall see.

2. I am going to have to re-vamp my resume. I guess I am back to job searching. I may even have to do some volunteer work, just to get some experience.

3. I am totally into Y&R right now. Even Anker is into it. We are watching it every day. I don't like on how they are re-casting and getting rid of main (and old) characters, but it is good.

4. I have way too many magazines out from the library, but hey, I am not paying for them, so who cares, right? I currently probably have about 50 mags. Yup, I am a bit of a mag-junky.

5. We (or rather I) re-arranged some pictures in our house, and put some up on our entertainment unit, and on our wall. I am trying to make our little house a home.

Darkness

I will do a FOF/Random 5 Friday later today. For now, though, I wanted to talk a little about what I am (we) are going through. I was reading on a few of the blogs that I follow, and two of them were talking about walking through darkness.

I love the quote that I saw on Leanne's blog.

"Sometimes one has to walk through the often complete darkness of grief to embrace the light of joy to be found in challenging circumstances. Feeling that grief does not diminish the joy one feels at the end. In fact embracing the grief enables one to experience the joy more fully. Yet for some they see acknowledgement of the darkness as a detractor from the joy. If only they could understand that the darkness of night makes the sunrise stunning."

She and her husband have been going through a dark time since they found out their son has autism. In another blog I was reading, Brantley was talking about adding another child to their family. First, they were going to adopt again, and then they went through a year and a half with trying to get pregnant. There are others blogs that I frequent as well....a lot of them have children with special needs; a few other have lost babies, and are pregnant again. They are dealing with the joy in their grief. 

What I am trying to say, I guess, is that we are all going through our own darkness. It looks different to others. It may not even look like darkness to others reading/observing it. One person is dealing with infertility, others are dealing with severe financial problems (oh, wait, that's us!!) Other people are dealing with a loss of a baby, or sickness, or the loss of a loved one. 

We have been going through our own darkness. Loss of jobs, EI, unemployment, and of course infertility (although we aren't even trying or thinking of TTC right now..mainly because we can't) have all been our darkness lately. Honestly, it sucks. Big time. I try to stay positive. I try to not let others know (even from some of my family members) on/of what is going on. I am trying to be positive on FB as well, and even on our blog. It is hard. Our marriage is suffering big time. We DID have a date ystrdy, but those are few and far btwn lately. I actually started crying last night. I can't hold on any longer. I can't be strong for much longer. I am tired. I am sleeping in A LOT lately. I don't think it has much to do with my going to bed late/being a night owl, and not a morning person (although I don't like getting up earlier than 8 am!). My spiritual life is suffering. I go to church, but not every Sunday. When I do go, I sit in the balcony, and I play on my phone. I will often leave as soon as church is over, instead of talking to people. I am tired of pretending be positive with everyone. Pretending that life is ok. That we are doing awesome (altho I know some ppl in our church know that we aren't doing well). So, that is partly why I am staying at home and not connecting like I know I should. I do connect still, just not as much I used to. I do pray still. A LOT. 

I know good things have been happening. We got two gift cards, people are taking us out for meals, and my aunt is helping when and where she can. I am grateful, I am (we are), but I want a job, I want to make a difference in this world. I want to find something that is fulfilling for me. 

I don't know what God has in store for us. I don't know the end of the story; the end of this chapter. I am frustrated, but I am also excited. I know God is showing us something. I am trying to see it, but it is hard through the darkness. I am trying to see the goodness in the little things; the daily things that happen.

God is in control. I am trying to see this. Daily. Hourly.