So, I wanted to blog about infertility during CIAW a couple of weeks ago, but, I just never got around to it. Then Kelly did a SUYL on Infertility last Friday, and I never got to that, either. Ugh! Anyway....most of my blog is about infertility anyway, so I wasn't too sad about not writing about it during either of those times....buuuut, I still want to talk about it while it is still SORT of close to CIAW, and to the link up (I can't officially link up, but, I will post the link in her comments).
Soooo....infertility..I have an entire blog (or at least blog name) dedicated to it. No one wants to talk about it. Very few people truly understand it. A club that very few people belong to, despite not wanting to. Infertility is a dark and lonely place. There isn't a lot of info on it; no one does walks, or fundraises for it. No one brings you dinners, or a card, no one knows what to say. It is a very long, and isolated road; one that I wouldn't want to wish on anyone.
Each time you hear a pregnancy announcement, see a gender reveal picture (or go to a GR party), go to a baby shower, or see belly pictures, your heart hurts, and you die a little inside. Holding a baby can also be hard; some people don't even want to. Thankfully, I have never been that sad, and depressed to not want to hold a baby, and I am grateful for that. I know, that there are women who won't hold babies, nor will they go to a place where there are babies/young kids. Of course, there are still times where I am a little sad when people start talking about kids and babies, and/or when I am at a gathering, and there are a lot of babies/young kids in one place, but that only happens once an odd while, and again, I am thankful. I love working with/in the nursery, and teaching Sunday School. I would love to work with kids some day; some people feel/find that working with kids make it hard, and I don't. I think it makes it easier; it helps fill the void. I also love spending time with my nieces and nephew. Of course, I do get sad, wishing that Mom would have the privilege of loving on any kids that we would have, but for the most part, I am happy to play the aunty.
Well, it is now a few days later, and I still haven't published this post yet :)
Hubby and are at a very odd place in our infertility journey. We won't be trying for kids ever, nor will be adopt/foster. It isn't an option for us. Mainly b/c of our health issues. People have said that we don't want kids bad enough, if we don't want to go that road. We both need to be at that point, and hubby doesn't want to pursue it, in part bc of his age, and health concerns. I wish we are able to go that road, but we aren't able to. I think a part of me has "dealt" with it, but there is a part of me that definitely still feels sad about, and perhaps, I probably always will. It is just the way it is. There isn't much else to say about it...no reason to dwell on it :) It is what it is.
I think what gets me about the most about infertility, is on how people don't believe that a person can grieve over this. They truly don't get it. They understand that it is a disappointment, but they don't understand the grieving process. I also find it hard that people can be so ignorant towards it. They ask the dumbest questions, and say the most ignorant comments. I get that they probably don't fully understand...but sometimes, saying nothing at all is ok :) Just a simple touch, or a smile is ok, too!!!
This post is getting a bit convoluted, so I think I will end it here.
The theme this year was "Because it's Time." And I agree..it is time. It is way past time.