Thursday, February 25, 2016

Attachment

This is one of those Title-only posts that have been in my drafts for a month or so, so I think I should either write it up/out, or delete it.

*****Disclaimer**** I am in no way a parenting expert. I am not a parent, so I have zero experience in this area. I am only writing my experience as a child. I don't want to get nasty emails telling me that I have no business on talking about parenting issues, when I am not one myself.*******


I have never really been one for attachment-parenting. I always thought that it was something that "hippie-parents" did. I never really understood the bonding issue; I never understood on how parents (both bio and adoptive) could stay home for weeks and months on end and "cocoon" themselves with them and their babies. I have however, been thinking about this the last while. Here's why....

I was born with A LOT of medical issues...thus I stayed in the hospital for almost two years. Since my parents did (and still do!) live in the boonies (there was no nice highway back then), 6 hours from where I was born, she would come in once a month for a few days a time. My dad saw me a few times...my grandparents were living in Victoria at the time, so they would come and visit me, which I am sure help eliviate my parents' fears. Things were done differently back then. If that were me, I would be there 24/7 with my baby...especially if they were my first child. But this was almost 40 years ago now....life was just done differently, and, for the most part, that's ok. But here is where I find fault with on how life was done....and it's in no way my mom's fault...she didn't get to hold me for MONTHS, due to my being on a respirator, and attached to many tubes. I didn't cry until I was taken off the respirator, at nearly two years of age.

This short bi-optic leads me to why I am writing about this tonight....attachment (or lack thereof) is very real. I KNOW that I have issues stemming from when I was sick as a child...and lack of being held, touched (thought I think they were able to touch me a fair bit), and of course, abandonment. Attachment, however, is very near and dear to my heart. It is something that I think I struggle with. Attachment to friends, family, co-workers...well, to people, actually. LOL. I tend to either over share, or not share enough. I also tend to become an introvert....or something like that. I become closed off, and not want to join in on group things. I was really bad when I was a teenager/young adult. I HATED group games, etc. I am still not a huge group person (I think I am worse, in some ways...since being in groups, I can get claustrophobic), but I am much better than I used to be. I also hate it when people leave the room suddenly (this is also having to do with abandonment, but it is still also the same thing...sort of). When I know that Anker is suppose to be bed with me at night, and if I wake up, and he isn't there, I freak out. If someone just leaves out of the house, it totally bugs me. This has to do with Mom and other people suddenly leaving me. I also would spend HOURS in my room as a teenager. I think that is pretty normal, but I think I spent more than my fair share of hours alone in my room.

So, the reason in part that I am doing this, is that I feel that attachment is SO important. When you have a baby, either bio or adopted, it is SO important to bond and attach yourself to/with your baby. I would even go as far as to say to not allow anyone to hold him/her for a few weeks after it is born (that being said, I got to hold H when we was two weeks old or so). I think that passing a baby around so soon (especially in those first few weeks) can interfere with the bonding/attachment process. I don't even ask to hold someone's baby for the first few weeks. Heck, I don't even VISIT them for the first few weeks or months after they have had the baby! I even think that staying home for the first few days, to a couple of weeks (though, I would probably get cabin fever) is a good idea. Or, at least not going to public events (church, meetings, etc). But the main reason for this post is that attachment (or rather, lack thereof) is real. It is important, and it is to be respected.


***It is now very late February 25/16, and I started this a month or so ago. I wrote the last few sentences tonight. The first few parts were written on different days, in different sessions***

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