Thursday, August 13, 2015

Contentment/Knowing and Doing God's Will

I have a confession to make. I am not super happy right now (well, I am RIGHT NOW, b/c I am holidays...but you know what I mean). If you ask me in what area in my life that/where I am not happy, I can pretty much name you any area. I think Anker and I need some sort of a change. What kind of change, I don't know.

I strive to be content in every situation. And I think in general, I am doing an OK job at being content, but I know I could be better. I think part of it is that it's summer, and we haven't done a whole heck of a lot. I am hoping that I will be feeling better about things after we get back from our holidays (and then a week off a home..yay!). I know I complain a fair amount. I can be moody, and at times, just plain rude to the people that I am talking to. I feel that they don't get our life, where we are coming from, and they don't get my job. It is HARD, PEOPLE! I think in a way, it is harder than nursing. We run the house....we do personal care, we run errands, etc. It is rewarding, but it is HARD! I am DONE at the end of a shift. I like to lie/lay low on my days off. I sleep in a fair amount, and part of that is due to my job.

I feel that God is calling me (us) to do something more. I could be wrong. Maybe I am. And that's ok. But there has been something niggling at me for awhile now...years, actually. I don't know what. I would love to work with kids, which was why I got into this field in the first place. I don't know if we are supposed to stay where we are (Kamloops), or move somewhere else...whether it be in BC, or another place in Canada, or in another part of the world. Since we don't have passports, and we both have health issues, I don't think that going out of Canada is an option, but I think God could use me here in my own country. And I am ok with that. I don't NEED to go to another part of the world to feel like I am doing God's will, though I would love to go to an orphanage and love on some babies. There is a place in Mexico or Guatemala (sorry, I have a blog link somewhere, but I can't find where that is) that houses girls with special needs, and I would love to do that. But I think we are to stay in Canada.

So, I have praying and reading the Bible (though, not nearly as much as I should be), and seeking Him as to what we are to do. Maybe we are to stay where we are, and continue what we are doing. But I think we need some sort of a change. Yes, we moved, and that has been great, and that definitely helps, but still...I wonder...

I have no clue as to what God is calling us to do. I don't even know when I will know what it is. Heck, maybe we're doing it now. Maybe I AM supposed to be where I am right now. Some days, I definitely think I am where God called/wants me to be...other times, I have no clue.

I am not perfect. God is. I am striving EVERY DAY to seek him (even if it doesn't look like I am...I am). I WANT to be doing what He is calling me to do. I want to be all that he wants me to be. I hope that I figure that out soon. Cause I am tired.


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