Thursday, January 17, 2013

Article


Here is one that is in the current one...
Kamloops Momma’s! (and Dad’s too!),

 

I hope everyone and their little ones had a great Halloween. I am not a big fan of Halloween myself, but I do enjoy seeing the kids dressed up on their costumes, and of course, buying and eating the candy!!! Bebop was our only trick-or-treater, and came carrying his transformers costume, since he didn’t want to wear it. I think he enjoyed getting the candy, and assortments of treats he was given. Judging from the Facebook pictures I saw, Rosebud was dressed up as a kitty. Such a cutie!

I am very thankful for all of the positive comments, and support I have gotten for my debut article! I had such fun writing it, and thankful for the opportunity.

One of the things I have been thinking about is the divide between people who have kids, and people who don’t; whether it is by choice, or they are unable to have them(for this article, I will largely be referring to women). Sadly, a lot of friendships that I have had through the years have died, a lot of them partly due to my not having kids. It makes me sad, but it is also a part of life. What can momma’s do to bridge the gaps between your childless friends? I thought of a few things….

DON’T assume that we don’t want to hang with you and your little ones. Even if we can’t (or don’t) have kids, it doesn’t mean that we don’t want to be around them. Being around kids allows us to be kids again ourselves, to laugh, and be and act silly, and see the world through a child’s eyes.  This also includes asking us to baby sit. We will love that time to hang out and spoil your little ones, don’t assume, just ask…However….

DON’T assume that we always DO want to hang with (and hold) your kids, either. There are some days when the hurt is just so great, that we have to allow that space between us and kids for a while. It may just be a few days, but that space is often greatly needed to make it through.

DO talk about other things other than your kids. Sure we love to hear stories about your kidlets. 24/7? No, thank you! There are other things that make you uniquely youJ What are your dreams, your hobbies? What did you do before you had children?

DON’T assume that because we don’t have kids, we don’t have some thoughtful advice. No, I am not a parent, but I helped raise our 4 younger siblings. I also babysit, and I have lots of kids in my life, so I do know a thing or two about children. So, please don’t be rude when we give advice, or have some interesting tidbit we would like to share.

DO allow us some space, especially when it comes to baby-related events. As I mentioned above, we don’t always want to go to your niece’s best friend’s daughter’s baby shower, or Christening. It’s not to say that we DON’T enjoy holding the baby, and talking about all things baby-related for two hours non-stop, we do, and everyone feels differently about this, but for me, I also feel a bit sad that I will probably never know that feeling of being a mom, and all that goes with it. So, if we don’t go to your baby shower, it’s not that we don’t like you; it is just that we need some space. I myself often find it easier to another time, and bring a gift, and spend some time with you and your baby.

DO make a point in making and spending time with us (shopping, coffee, etc). Just because we don`t have kids, it doesn`t mean that we don`t have anything in common with you anymore. Yes, our lives are different, but it doesn’t give us an excuse to ever see each other. Besides, maybe we will want to hang out with your little ones while you are trying on that new dress you’ve been eyeing.

DON’T offer platitudes, like “oh, so-and-so were told they couldn’t have kids, and BAM they had one”; or “what about adoption?”  We know you are just trying to be nice. Maybe you don’t know what else to say, or you feel awkward, whatever the reason, it isn’t helpful. EVERY case and circumstance is different, and no one knows that journey that they are going through.

DO ask us questions about our lives, thoughts, and dreams. Just because we don’t have children, it doesn’t mean that we any less of a person, or that there is something wrong with us. To add to, even though it DOES get tiring asking us about our “baby journey”, but we also like to know that you are interested. Ask if we are ok to talk about it, or, take a cue from us, and see how are reacting to your questions, or some of the time, we will probably end up bringing it up ourselves. Just listen. You don’t have to give us advice, just let us know that you are thinking of us.

….this brings me to my last one…which kind of is the same as above…

DO let us know that you are thinking of us. Mothers /Fathers Day are quite hard on us as childless parents. Just let us know that we are in your thoughts and prayers. Cards and small gifts are also nice gestures to let us know that we are not forgotten.

DO know that when you are rocking your baby back to sleep in the middle of the night, or you are yelling at your toddler for the 100th time that day, there is a woman (and her hubby), that is DYING to be doing those things, and to have a child call them “momma”…take everything in stride. Enjoy your babies, for it will all go fast.

And, these, my momma friends, are just a few of the things that I have come to my mind the last while, but I am sure there are many more.  Just please know that we are not diseases to be left alone. We love you and we love your kiddies. Just ask what we would like/need,etc.

Have a wonderful Christmas Season, with your babies!

Again, if anyone wants to contact me, my email is aa_wainwright74@hotmail.com. I like chocolateJ

 

 

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