CIAW ended on Mother's Day this year, and I had hoped to have had written something in infertility around this time, but I never got around to it. Well, better late than never, right? I don't think that I will be writing anything that hasn't been already written (or that I have written) about it, but you can never write too much about it, so, here I go (again)....
Infertility affects 1 in 6 Canadian couples. It can range from low (or no) sperm in the man, to, PCOS in the woman, to unexplained infertility. I am finding, thanks to Social Media, blogs, and celebrities making it a bit more of a mainstream topic, I think the stigma is lessening, but sadly, few people still like to talk about it. Everyone asks if you have kids. They will often ask why. I still find these two questions difficult. What do you say? How do you say it eloquently, and so that you are both "comfortable"? I still have no idea on how go about it. Infertility has affected my family. Three out of 7 of my siblings (including myself) are infertile (and that's who we know for sure...there are two siblings who may or may not be affected). Infertility has no respecter who it affects. It doesn't care if you are rich or poor, what colour you are, where you live, on how much you want kids, and it certainly doesn't care about your feelings. It sucks the life right out of you. It punches you in the gut when you least expect it. It drains your bank account. It messes with your feelings. It messes with your relationships; both family and friends. It crumbles your world. It destroys your dreams. It makes holidays a lot sadder. If you are able, you may be able to adopt, have a surrogate, or even foster. It doesn't "fix" the problem, but it will make it easier. Or maybe it won't.
I have, however, have come to think of infertility as rewarding...it comes with its own benefits. Woooah! What, you say? How can something so dark, depressing and depleting rewarding? Now, before I get any hate emails, please bear with me...
It can be rewarding....
you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, wherever you want
you can serve in church, your community, and not worry about having to get kids ready
you can sleep in
two words: cheese puffs for dinner
two more words: Popcorn for dinner
you can watch tv (and whatever you want) in peace..without kids interrupting
you can say for hours at a coffee shop
you can shop for hours
you know others' pain
you can work long hours (if you chose or have to)
you can listen to you own music in the car or at home (hello..no Barney)
no set meal schedule
you only have to get yourself ready for work
all day beach day
exercise when you want, and for ever how long you want
long hikes without kids whining
long road trips without kids whining
you only have to spend money on yourself
who want to clean the house every day?
adult conversations without kids interrupting
I am sure there are countless more than I am forgetting, but I think you catch my drift. Yes, it sounds like these are more like perks, but I think of them as rewards and perks. Would I chose this path for myself? No, but this chose me, or rather, the Lord chosen this for me. Am I happy about it? Not really, but I think this was what was supposed to happen. I am supposed to be in my job working with kids...am able to be the fun, cool, aunt....to help out in the church ministry...it isn't easy, but at times, its is rewarding. And I am ok with that.