The One Question I Hate (FMC Edition)
****I am partnering with Fertility Matters Canada to blog about topics surrounding infertility. Instead of doing a new one (which I did last time it was "my day"), I thought I would share one that I had one over a year ago. I originally posted this over a year ago, and I think it is great to share again. I in no way get any compensation from doing this. I do it b/c I want to get the word about infertility out there. Head on over, and take a look!!****
Since before becoming infertile, and even a bit since then, I would often ask if a couple are going to have kids...or, I will ask if they (particularly the woman) if they have kids. I never really saw that as intrusive, especially if I asked it a certain way, and yes, I still will ask people if they have (or are going to have) kids. But, in the last couple years, I have actually grown to hate that question. When someone asks "do you have kids", I actually become uncomfortable. I don't know what to say. I sometimes say "no", or sometimes I will give them the whole (or part of) story. I will sometimes just say that we have a cat, and I have a nephew and nieces whom I love.
Whenever someone asks that question, I will often become sad, and it reminds that we don't have, nor will we ever have kids. I feel that there is something wrong with me. Like, I am not normal. I will quite often rush through my answer, sometimes even changing the subject. It makes me sad, b/c I know that eventually people will stop asking if we have kids. I often wonder if my mom gets questioned about not only A and I, but my other brother and sister who also can't have kids. I wonder what my parents say, or think. I often wonder if my parents view us as normal, or different. I sometimes feel that they treat us differently, b/c we don't have kids...and also b/c Anker has health issues. People ask about A and K still...on whether they will adopt another one. I usually say that they are thinking about it (which is true), and then move on to something else. It's not that I mind talking about it...nor do I think that it isn't any of their business (which, it isn't, but everyone asks personal questions these days, and thanks to SM, everyone knows everything about everyone), but again, it just drives home the fact that we won't be happen.
And yes, people ask us if we want to foster/adopt. And yes, we would, but no one would give us a baby, since A is over 50, and we both have health problems, not mention that adoption costs like, 1M$. LOL. And yes, though I know that foster is free (and it pays money), and I would love to do that,but A doesn't want to. Same thing with Foster To Adopt. It's all well and good to say all that, and yes, I have asked people the same thing, but it isn't like you flip a switch, people! It is a process! It takes time, energy, and sometimes money to make things happen. Not to mention that you both have to want to do it. Hubby doesn't want to, so that kind of makes things a bit difficult. People have told me that I/we don't want kids bad enough if we aren't willing to Foster/Adopt. Well, that IS partially true...but it's not like losing weight, or saving money, people have WANT to give you a baby. If a person is sick/not well, then you are (almost) automatically rejected. I am not being negative. I am being real.
And that's just on how it is.