Sunday, November 21, 2010

So Tired....

I didn't blog yesterday, mainly b/c I just didn't want to..lol. I thought I would take a break in the Thirty Days of Truth, and post what has been on my mind and heart the last few days (among many thoughts..LOL). Now, please bare (bear??) with me on this..I know compared to A LOT of people (including people that I know), my life is pretty darn easy. I don't have any kids (among some of my thoughts..more on that in a minute), I really do like my job, on the most part my health is ok (more in that in a minute), I am "free", blah, blah, so I know to some of you reading this, it may sound like I am complaining, and maybe I am..just a bit..but here goes..

I am tired! SO tired. I am tired of my on-going health issues. When people ask how I am doing, I really don't know what to say. Yes, compared to March, I am great (and I am...I know it), but there are still several things that they are working on. My cyst, the fact that I may have MS, the fact that I will always be monitored regarding my breathing/lung/cardiac problems, I am concerned about getting another blood clot..having babies...or not. I think if anything else happens, I am gonna cry right on the spot!! I am seeing a specialist (or regular DR.) once a week (ok..maybe not that much) or so...I am just tired of being not normal. I just want to be semi-normal (medically saying). Even now, my right leg has been hurting since yesterday, and although I don't think it's a blot clot, it is still bothering me. I am wondering "should I go to the hospital or not??" To be honest, I don't really have that much faith in the heath care I get there. (I though I really like my specialists) I am even wondering if I am putting too much faith in the medical system??

I would consider going going on disability, but I don't think I would qualify. And, I WANT to be working. But every month, I have to go to Vancouver for some kind of appt. Every time we go JUST for gas, and maybe a meal, is over $100. Yes, I am working, but that just helps in paying the bills, etc. Anyway..yes, I am ranting. Anyway, I am very grateful for my life...grateful to be alive..just very tired of more stuff going on!! Ok, yes, I am tired of be always being financially strapped all the time, too:( Anyway...I think I will end there...

This weekend has actually been a pretty good one..got some stuff done on Friday, and had a very relaxing day on Saturday. Church, and I spent time w/ friends today, while Anker was at play practice. I did venture out in the snow this afternoon, and did a few things. I hate driving in the snow, but I guess I can't put it off forever.

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