Throwback Thursday and a Book Announcement

Just a short post today.

This picture went up on my FB page today.

 

I also am proud to say that my mom is now an accomplished author! She has written a book, about, how shall I say this in case little eyes are prying?...happiness in marriage:)

 

The best part? It is on Amazon.com! Not sure if it on the Canadian/UK sites yet (I tried to type it in, but it didn't show up). Here are a couple of links: Amazon; Create Space

Go and check it out:)

 

Happy Thursday!

Tell us Tuesday; Capture Your Grief Days 3 &4

Thank goodness yesterday is over! Actually, everything that frustrated me yesterday is still frustrating me today, but at least it's a new day, right?

As I type this, it is a foggy Autumn morning; I love it! I got to work early, as hubby had an appointment downtown, so I was here for a few minutes before I had to open the store.

After I left work yesterday, I ran a few errands, and went home. Hubby had not (to my chagrin) had started or even thought of what to make for supper, so I started in. I am really trying to eat healthier, and I also want to try to implement Meatless Mondays at least once a week. I remember asking my dad (who is sheep rancher, and soooo not a vegetarian) if he ever did Meatless Monday's, and he looked at me as if I had 4 heads! I asked them again awhile back, and they said no. My dad is a person who eats meat 3-4 times a day. True story. Anyway, I looked in our fridge, and found a lot of veggies that needed eating up, and I came up with this;

It's a veggie stir fry with brown and some white rice. I usually don't like stir frys, but I thought I would give it a whirl, even hubby who is a picky eater liked it.

 

Here is the salad I had on Sunday night

Doesn't it look DELISH!!??

 

Here are some of the pictures I took on my phone on our way back on Sunday.

 

 

 

This is the view of a part of our city going up a hill towards our house.

 

One thing I forgot to mention on my wknd post was that I added to my first ever blogger contact to my phone!! I have a few blogging friends on FB, but Sky-Ann is the first blogger that I have added to my phone:) We had a fun phone/texting conversation on Friday night while I was out for coffee:)

 

 

 

Ok, so on to the next part of today's post/subject. I shared with hubby on how I am doing this project, and I explained (or rather, tried to) to him on how it works. I want him to be involved in my blog, and this subject/project was no exception.

Capture Your Grief Days 3&4 deal with Myths and Legacy respectively.

 

3. Myths: Do you believe there are any myths about grief? You could write the myth on a piece of paper and photograph it.

There are two myths that I find people like to tell me; or that I tend to think.

Myth 1: You can't mourn something you never had. A few people have said this to me. I can tell you that it isn't true. You mourn for something that you can't have; a life that you had always thought that you were going to have; and had hoped for. It IS possible to mourn something (especially if you really wanted it, and it was very close and tangible) that you haven't had. Trust me. I do. I mourn nearly every day.

Myth 2: You will get over it-Eventually. Like wounds, it will heal; sort of. It lessens; you have a day, a week or even a month or year where children/infertility isn't as strong. You go to school, you get a job, you travel, you enjoy life; you nieces and nephews; but trust me, it isn't the same as having your own. Then at night, when everyone has gone home, and you are alone; you may watch a show or a commercial, or something will trigger it (more on triggers on another day), and you instantly get sad. So, I actually partially believe this, but not fully. When talking with hubby about this last night and this morning, he agreed with me; that it lessens, but it never completely goes away.

4. Legacy: Do you believe your child left a legacy behind? It could be something very simple but meaningful.

I actually don't like the word "legacy". It seems so..I don't know.....new age-y, or something so large. That being said, I can appreciate why people use it (and yes, I have used the word a few times). The one thing I am doing/have done since finding out that we couldn't have kids is writing and sharing this blog. I started blogging right after we were married, because it was the "Cool thing to do", but in the last year, I have wanted to hone in on our infertility life. I want people to know that there is another life other than having kids.  I want people to know that infertility hurts; just because we can't have kids (or we haven't lost a baby), it doesn't mean that we don't hurt and mourn. I used to think that you had to have kids to have a blog. True Story. Now that I am involved in link ups, there are A LOT (maybe even more than) of ladies (let's face it, ladies blog WAY more than men!), who either don't have kids, or who are single. I also share and get involved in linkups to share my blog, so that people can at least try to understand what the life of an infertile couple looks like.

Another thing that I would like to do is start a RESOLVE (or some other kind of infertility group) in our town. I don't run, but I would love to have a run/walk in support of infertility awareness (and probably pregnancy/infant loss as well) in this area. The thought of starting and organizing something like that, however, is very overwhelming, so I doubt that I will ever get it off the group. Also, would we get any support? Would anyone come?

Life Lately, Weekend Shenanigans, and Misc Monday Link Ups

Linking up with Blair.

Happy Monday!! I hope you had a good wknd. Mine was pretty sweet:)
I am linking up my "regulars" this wk for my weekly link ups:)

I am having a bit of a rough Monday, actually. I am mainly frustrated with life, my job search, my lack of healthy life (eating, exercise, etc) skills, our finances, and yes, even some people. There seems to be always too much to do; this Saturday will mark the third Saturday IN A ROW that we will be busy, nearly all day, and some of the evening, and I got myself double booked on that day as well. I know, I know, so many people want a piece of me:)

I just need to trust God in EVERY area of our lives. It is HARD!!!! I trust, and give it to Him, then I take it back. Nice, April, right? At least He takes it whenever I ask, right?

I am also going to try to eat healthier. I HAVE to. I don't have a choice, really. I started off the day with two pieces of white toast (we had to get rid of it) and two eggs. Yum!!!

I also got Sugar Reduced Creamer (French Vanilla) and some healthy(ier) stuff last night. Hubby has been drying prunes and raisins:) Yummy! Not sure what we are going to have for supper.

Linking up with Carissa

So...MM....hmm...well, I already told you about my (sort of) frustrating morning. I also owe $20 to the library. Oops! Because they don't have debit (and I had no time to get out cash), I couldn't pay my bill. I also called the KBIA for Anker this morning, and since his worker wasn't there, they couldn't help me! I don't think I got the job I interviewed for, and when I tried to call them, she wasn't available. Also, last night (well, this morning (3:30 am) our lovely neighbour who leaves for work likes to rev his truck A LOT before leaving. Nice. He has been complained about a few times, and we are all up to HERE (picture my head..haha) with it. GAA! I tried to talk to the guy who manages our complex, and of course, his wife just had a baby, so he isn't there. Nice. The lady that is taking over for him isn't there (of course), so the poor Admin Assistant got an ear full from me! And I can't even get a coffee (SBX or anywhere)! There are some other things too that are frustrating me, that I won't post on here...not yet, anyway.

Two good things happened today; when I went to put in my quarter for the parking meter, there was already time in it...yay! And I also got a People Mag and US Weekly Mag from the library; ones that I hadn't bought....and I got (FINALLY) the third season of DA! I am so stoked!!! I was very nearly finished with Hot in Cleveland Season three, but I HAD to take it back today, with only a few eps left..boo! I am also thinking of getting into Duck Dynasty. Is it worth it? Since finding out they are Christian, I have wanted to try them out (actually, I had thought of trying to watch it even before I found out). I have reserved a couple of seasons at the library. Also, has anyone watched THE CITY?? I may get into it as well....hmm.....

I am going to re-start job searching again...this is soo frustrating!!! I hope something comes up SOON!

I have been spending more time in Pinterest again...you would think that with over 10K pins that I would have a lovely decorated house (living off the grid, of course!!) make lovely gourmet food, have the perfect marriage (and other relationships), and be perfect. Yah, no:)

Linking up with Sami 

Ok, let's get to the fun part of the blog, shall we?

Friday: I don't know what I did in the morning; I think I ran some errands, I honestly have no clue, that is just how eventful my Friday was:) I worked in the afternoon, and then went to meet up with a friend to drop off her Avon stuff that she ordered. I had a free drink coupon from SBX that I decided to use, so I had a drink, journalled and read my mags. I went to the store next door to grab bread for sandwiches for the next day (more on that in a minute), and I decided to spend time looking through the new magazines; including the holiday cooking ones! I LOVE doing that!! I went to BB&B (did I tell you we have one here? I don't normally go, but they have been having some good sales lately, so I have gone a couple of times in the last while, oh and I got our friends' wedding gifts from there), to return a pillow I got for hubby (exchange). I went home and relaxed for the evening. I boiled eggs for the sandwiches the next day, and relaxed and went to bed. It was quiet in our complex, which was nice.

Saturday: I woke up, went to the store to grab a coffee and some margarine (we were out, and I knew it was going to be a coffee-from-a-store-kind-of-day). I may or may not have gone in my PJ's:) Made the egg salad and assembled the sammies, got ready to go to the funeral, and then worked for a couple of hours. I came home, got hubby, and went to the funeral. The funeral was of our lovely and dear friend and Pastor to Seniors Babs, who died from Cancer last month. It was so sad. It was a lovely (and short!) service, which was nice. Enjoyed (way too many) treats and too may glasses of iced tea, found my forgotten sandwiches, brought them out (and they were eaten, btw), and came home and relaxed all evening. I got caught up on my movies and shows that I had got from the library. It was another quiet evening in the complex, for which we are very thankful for.

Sunday: I went to church alone; hubby was too tired, and since I was helping with Sunday School, I didn't push it (to be fair, he HAD been in church the day before). I left pretty much (um, ok before) church ended, as I was meeting up with my friend who was going to her parents to pick up her dog. The kids were out of Sunday School (and church was not yet out), and most of them had gone back in to their parents (we will often do that, just let them go back in for the last few mins of the service), so I left. My friend had I had a lovely afternoon. We got Timmies Smoothies (yummy) and some donuts, and off we went. I got to meet her parents (I had met them before, but only for a few minutes a few years back), and we had a fun afternoon! The drive there and back was so beautiful! I wish I had brought my camera. They have a beautiful house (I wish I had brought my camera to take pics of their house alone), lovely bathrooms, kitchen, and living room, were gorgeous! And her parents was so sweet!!! We left around 3:30 and came home via a back road that I hadn't been on in a long time. SO beautiful:) We came back into town, both hungry, and so we went for supper. SO good! We had supper at Senor Froggy. It is a Mexican (semi) Fast Food joint. I was kind of healthy and I had taco salad. Yummy!!! She was getting late for an apt, so she dropped me off at Walmart, and she went on her way. I wandered around, and got a few things we needed, and met up with hubby who picked me up. I came home and parked myself on the bed all evening. I am SLOWLY catching up on my PVR`d shows. I watched two wks worth of Battle of the Blades, Friday`s Y&R, a few Judge Judy`s, and an episode of I`m Having their Baby. I ended the night by watching The Amazing Race. #keeponracing my butt:)

I think that pretty much covers my wknd!

Capture your Grief, Days 1&2

I have seen this on several blogs over the last month, and I finally found out what it was/is all about. I thought it was an awesome idea, and I decided that I would try do to with our infertility.  Capture your Grief is a 30 day "challenge" or project for people (mainly women, since they are the ones who blog the most) to blog on several topics related to their baby losses, and I thought it be helpful (for others and for myself) as well as healing for me to do something like this. I hope I can do all 30, I may fall of the wagon half way through, but I really want to try to do most of it. I may make it a weekly thing. Also, I don't know if all of the subjects will be applicable for me (relating to our infertility), but I will do what I can.

I will let you look at the "rules" and subjects on your own, mainly so I don't bore you, but here are a couple of pictures I got from Carly Marie's website. Ok, I just now saw this was a photography project..oops...cause I read well like that:) Well, I add these pics on for now, and I will take better/proper ones tomorrow. It's a shame, too, because I was around blocks at Sunday School today, too. I could have used those to spell out their names. Oh well.

Day 1. Sunrise: I thought it would be very meaningful for us all to capture the beginning of this journey and important month by us all getting up early to photograph the sunrise from wherever we are in the world. I know depending on where you are and what climate you are in that there may not be a sunrise, but if you can still get to a window, snap a photo of the morning. When you share your photo online make sure you write what State/Country you are in and the time of the sunrise. It will be a wonderful way for us all to feel connected.. This picture was taken in August at my parents' place at around 3:30 am. It is "officially" the sunrise, but it was (too) early in the morning, so I think it is good enough:) BC, Canada

 

Day 2. Identity: What is your child’s name? Why did you chose that name? What is the meaning of their name? If they were born, what were their birth details. What were their features? Who are they?

I love talking/thinking about baby names. I could spend HOURS on this subject. When we still thought that we could have kids (and were sort of trying to get pregnant), we talked about names on a few occasions.

For a girl, we liked (and still do) Addisyn. I think we would have spelt it this way, as well. We both loved the name; it is different, but not so different that it is a weird name.

Audrey would be her middle name, after my hubby's mom.

Joy would be her other middle name; as that is my mom's middle name (and also the middle name I wish I had had).

 

For a boy, one of the names that we really like is Asher.

I couldn't find the middle names on the internet, so I will try to take pictures of them this week.

 

Earl and Keir.

 

I imagined that either gender would be born with darker hair, and probably would have curls. They would be probably weigh btwn 3-8lbs (I would probably have had them early, because of my health concerns). I would hope that they would perfect..u know, sleep through the night, be great eaters, etc:) Yah, right.

 

TToT-Household and Hygiene Products Edition

Since I had to grasp at straws yesterday for FOF, I thought I would do a TToT about household and hygiene products:) I thought it would be a way to keep this fun and new!! And because I don't feel like coming up with 10 new things to be thankful for this week!!

These are my 10 household/hygiene products that I couldn't live without (or at least would find it hard).

1. Toothpaste! Honestly, what would be like without toothpaste? I did try the baking Soda route, and trust me, it is gross. I guess I could live without it, but it would be pretty hard:)

 

2. Hand Cream. I never used to use it, but lately, I have been using it at least once a day. Love it. I carry the Avon travel size (I have about 4) in my purse, plus I have a few at home that I use. True story.

 

3. Lip Gloss. Same thing. I have about 5 of these in my purse. I love getting the holiday (Halloween, Christmas, etc) tasting ones. Yummy!

 

4. Hand Sanitizer. I have the Bath and Body Works brand, and I have about 10 of these. I am trying to use them more, partially because I have so many to use up.

 

5. Pads/Tampons/Cups. I was reading in a magazine awhile back on how girls in Uganda (and I am sure MANY other parts of the world) don't have access to pads. I can't find the article at the moment, but it is something similar to this. This is something that we women take for granted. We can drive to the corner store and grab one of about 1,000 different kinds of brands. Young girls in Africa don't have access to these, and they often will miss school during their periods. I am so grateful to have FULL ON access to these great products.

 

6. Toilet Paper. 'Nuff Said.

 

7. Toothbrushes. Again, something so simple that I am sure most people in third world countries don't have access to.

 

8. Laundry Detergent. Something so simple and LD is often overlooked in places that have just been through natural disasters. I often think of Tides Loads of Hope (this is the US site, but I am sure there is a Canadian/UK site as well), and all the wonderful things they do for people that have been through floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, etc. As for me, well, it just makes everything smell prettier!

 

9. Vacuum Cleaner. We may not be the worlds BEST and constant cleaners, but when we do clean, we LOVE (and use) our vacuum. ALL.THE.TIME. We got ours (after the belt went in mine) for about $50 a couple of years ago. Love it.

 

10. Rubbermaid (or any other type) Bins. I have two that are empty, that should have stuff put in them, but we already have a lot that have stuff stored in them. I think when/if we move next time, we will pack everything in bins.

 

Linking up with Liz for Ten Things of Thankful!

Happy Saturday!

Five on Friday/Random 5/Let's Be Friends Blog Ups

                                                                      Happy Friday!!!


I hope everyone had a great week. Ours was ok. Nothing too exciting, but it wasn't bad, either, which is a good thing!!! I think I have Saturday off again, as we are going to a funeral tomorrow:( Our Pastor to Seniors died a couple of weeks ago, and the funeral is tomorrow.

Here are the 5 things I am loving this week (I have to actually come up with a few; can't seem to think of them off the bat today for some reason).

1.  I got two new bubble baths from Avon this week. Warm Vanilla and Fig, and Vanilla Peppermint Swirl. Love them both!

I also like the Soft Pink, too:)

2. As much as I like going barefoot in my sandals in the summer, I LOVE buying and wearing fun socks!!!  I bought two new pairs of Halloween socks, and sadly, I have already lost one of one pair, and the other pair were too small. I have been buying socks coordinating with the upcoming holidays...fun! So, that is my new thing; fun socks!

3. I KILLED it on Monday; organizing and cooking my first Thanksgiving Dinner. Other than the turkey being a bit over cooked, it all turned out well, and all the food tasted awesome.

4. I have loved this for awhile now, but I keep forgetting to write about it; I love the International Delight line of their flavoured creamers. French Vanilla and Irish Cream; Yum!

5. Autumn Colours. The leaves are falling off the trees in the valley....so beautiful:)

...oh and of course, the puppies!!!

 

Linking up with Nancy @ A Rural Journal

 

 

 

1. I have started playing CCS, and FHS again. Darn those games!

2. I ate fresh apples, and fresh plums off of Mom's trees last wknd. SO DELSIH!!

3. I am watching the third season of Hot in Cleveland. It is a fun show!

4A.I am still waiting for the third season of Downton Abbey to be com available from our library.

4B. I am thinking of starting Upstairs Downstairs. It seems very similar to DA. Has anyone watched it? Is it good?

5. Hubby's bday was on Tuesday. We had a quiet night at home, complete with TV and a cake:)

 

Linking up with Tiffany @ The Dwelling Tree

 

Surrender

Since this is a blog primarily about one of two things, infertility being one of them (and our life as a childless couple being the other), I thought I would actually use this post to talk about the subject, or at least on how I have been coping lately:)

It seems that every time I blog, I end up linking up with someone, which is fine, but I like to do my own things once in awhile:)

It is now 10:33 pm PST on Thursday night:) Don't worry, I didn't die or get raptured; I started this and then (as usual) got busy with other things, and then I left work. Errands. Home. Supper. Dishes. More Dishes. Laundry. TV. Remake bed (with freshly washed mattress cover). TV. Bath.

So, I am back:) I think I will make this a short post, as I am tired, and words don't seem to come as well, when I am tired.

So, back to my title of the post.

Surrender. It can make you or break you. You can love it, or you can hate it. But it is always inevitable. I am so no where I thought I would be. I thought I would be married (ok, I am married), with a few kids, and or a cool career. You know, one that would allow me fly on airplanes and sleep in hotels. I thought the man I would marry would have a good income, we would have bout a house, and a nice car, and go on a vacay or two further than a few hours away every year. That didn't happen (yet!). And you know what? That's ok. I mean, I think for the first time in our marriage (heck, maybe even in my life) that I am FINALLY saying to my God, my friends, heck, even myself, that I am for the most part, ok with where we are. You can fight it, or go with it. I think I have decided to go with it. Yes, it is hard. Harder than I thought, and our lives have been compared to others, fairly easy.

I wanted kids. I still want them. I yearn for them. I still dream of them. Of a time when someone will miracoulsy say, hey, you can the child growing inside of me, or one of thousands of scenarios that I have envisioned, but realistically, I don't think that is going to happen. Can I honestly say that it is ok? No, not yet, but I can surrender to what God wants.

Tithing is a part of surrendering. For people not familiar with tithing, it is giving a 10th of what you make to God. Even billionaires give a 10th (or more) to charity. So, for most, tithing, or charitable giving, is not a foreign concept to most. But, I digress. Tithing has always been a hard things for me. It isn't that I don't believe in it; it is just that I always seem to never have enough...or at least I don't think that I do. I don't tithe because of fear. I need that extra few bucks (or I think I do). I can always find another bill that needs to get paid, or more stuff for our house, more coffee to drink, more gas for our car, more food, etc. Also, there have been a number of times that I have tithed, and something financially has gone bad or wrong; car problems, unexpected payments that have come out, etc. So, we don't tithe for awhile after something like that. But lately, I have been convicted the last while to start tithing again. So, for the past two paycheques, I have tithed my salary. I want to surrender at least a part of my money to God.

Job Searching (or lack thereof) is surrender. I had a job interview last Friday (FYI, having a job interview at 5 pm on a long wknd is not the greatest idea). I think it went ok. Not great, but ok. I thought I would have heard back from them by now, but I haven't, so I am assuming that I didn't get it. And you know what? That's ok (well, not completely ok, but I may have a couple of other prospects). If I get it, great. If I don't, well, I know that God has something else out there for us (But please God, can you do it quickly, as I have a student loan starting the end of next month!!!).

Plans are kind of like surrendering. Hubby bday was the other day, and we had planned on going out to dinner with some friends. They cancelled (kind of) last minute. I was a little upset, but hubby didn't seem bothered by it (to be fair, we did have a big bday bash last year). I tried to invite some couples to come, but it didn't work out. I was a bit sad (mainly for him), but I decided that we would have our own time. I got him a cake, and a couple movies and we had our TV Turkey dinners and we watched hubby's tv shows. And you know what? I think I enjoyed that more than going out. And you know what else? I KNOW he did, too!

So, those have been my thoughts on surrender this week. Yes, I may still find it hard to go to baby showers, and to congratulate my pregnant friends (family is a no-brainer...at least for the most part..I love having nieces and nephews to spoil!), but for the most part, at least lately, I have been doing ok with our infertility journey (although I gotta say, there must have been 100 babies and kids under 5 at that wedding on Saturday, so I have to admit, I was a tiny bit sad). Maybe that means that God is doing something in me (us); maybe he is working in/on me (us). Or, maybe it just means that I am growing up:)

My #1 verse (well, I have two, but this always speaks to me) is Jeremiah 29:11.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Love what it says, and I always feel better after I have read/said it.

I also love this song; I think it's from Hillsong.  The song I found on YT was by Lincoln Brewster. You can view it here.

PS...did you know that bat babies are called pups? Who knew?