I have often thought on what kind of mother I would be/make. (I have often thought of what kind of father Anker would be/make, but that is for another post). Would I even be a GOOD mom? Would be I be the fun mom? The helicopter mom? The crazy Don't-Touch-My-Kid-Until-You've-Washed-Your-Hands Mom? The Don't touch my baby/child EVER mom? Would I make crafts (colour, make/play play dough) and bake with/for them? Would I sit them in front of the TV while I played on the computer? Would I be strict? Lax? Would I give in, or, be a hard a$$? Would I let them eat treats? Would we eat healthy? Would I love them (I would hope that I would)? Would I bond with them? Would I even LIKE them? Would I be subjected to hurting them (hey, this has crossed my mind)? Would I be caring? Calm? Nurturing? Kind? Loving? Teaching them the Bible? To be a good Christian? To follow be like Jesus? Would I talk kind to them? Or would I always be "barking" at them? Would I love them? Die for them? Hurt/cry with them? Would I do anything for them? Anything to protect them? How would we discipline them? Would I be able to answer all of their questions ("like, hey mom, why is the sky blue?" "I don't know, Dear, Google it.")? Would I be able to help them with their homework? Would I do lots of reading/research just in general (healthy living, etc), but especially if they had ASD, allergies, etc? The list goes on.
What about during the pregnancy? Would I eat properly? Would I do anything for my baby? Would I have PDD? Would I be one of those moms who think that world revolves around her and her growing belly? Would I take advice? Would I read lots of books about pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting (hey, magazine count, right??)? Would I fight for my baby/child? Would I do lots of research (as stated above) if needed?
There are SO many questions!! I have been thinking about this lately. I honestly have no clue on how good of a mom I would be. I hope that I would be, as I have had LOTS of wonderful role models. I hope that I would be all things that a Good Mom should be. I would want them to love others, love Jesus, and of course, themselves. I would teach good body image, and hopefully, not concentrate on good nutrition vs body weight, and appearance. Again, the list goes on, which I won't bore you with, but you get the gist.
Sadly, I won't ever get to experience that. I have a LITTLE experience with my younger brothers and sister, and now H (N and L, too, but I am not with them nearly as much). I think I am the cool, fun, aunt. I love spending time with H, and I think he loves spending time with me/us. Spending time with him makes me happy, sad, and tired all at the same time! It gives me a sense of mothering. It helps heal. It gives me some focus. It forces me to stop thinking about myself fora few hours. So, in a sense, like we have said....I am a mother. Just a different kind of one.