Wednesday, October 21, 2015

H.O.P.E

Hold
On,
Pray
Expecting (ly).

Over the wknd, while I was at work, I had Priase 106.5 FM playing on the computer, as I was doing paper work, etc. It was nice to have some Christian ambiance while I was at work, especially since I couldn't get to church. They had on a program, Keep the Faith, which is an encouragement radio show, where they had a montage of things...pre-recorded people who call in sharing awesome things that God had done, a short snippet of a preacher/author saying an encouraging word, songs, etc. John Maxwell, who is a Life Coach and also a Christian, talked about his version of what prayer is (to be fair, I didn't hear the whole thing, since I was working), and just now, as I was trying to find out more about here, I came across this article on his blog, and I thought that I would share it. He also has a Facebook Page. I found it very uplifting. I also enjoyed listening to the pre-recorded stories, but it also got me thinking: When DO we stop praying for something? Here is what got me thinking about it: A lady had shared that she had her husband had had a baby, but had wanted to have another one, but she was scared, since she had had a bad pregnancy (or something like that, remember I was at work, and not able to catch it all), and wasn't sure if she wanted to have another one. She prayed a lot, sought God, read the Bible, etc. One day, she talked with her husband about having another baby, and they prayed together, etc, and now, they are pregnant. That's a great story, and all, but that's what got me thinking..."What if our prayers don't get answered?" "When do we stop praying for what we need/want"?

 I am not talking about JUST infertility here, but since this is where I am at, and mainly what my blog is about, I will concentrate on that. DO we stop praying? And when we realize that what we want isn't going to happen, how do we shift our desires, and prayers? How long do we keep "expecting"? I often wonder if God gets tired of my same old prayer..He is probably saying.."Gee whiz, woman, stop praying for that..you're infertile, you can't adopt, can't foster...get a hold of yourself, and get on with life." or, "Here we go again...same old prayer." I don't think he thinks that, but maybe He gets angels to stand in for Him, while I pray...you know, so that He can help that kid or mom with cancer. I know we will never have kids, but I can't stop praying for a miracle. I have "moved on" in the sense that I have gone to school, in hopes of working with kids. I am not working with them, which although I am sad about, maybe for now, it is the best, since maybe being with them would be too hard for me. But there is still a part of me that hasn't moved on from my dream. A dream that I have had since I was 5.

 You just can't give up on infertility, no more than a family can (not) give up on a child who has terminal cancer. But, you pray for peace, for understanding, for healing. You shift your thinking, your life to something (or someone) different. You look beyond your circumstances. You try to find encouragement in/with others. You find support groups. You listen to worship music. You read the Bible. Or maybe you don't do those things. I think it's in wherever you are in your grieving process; the loss of a baby, the loss of (not) having a baby, the loss of a child, husband, etc. Everyone's grieving process is different. No two people grieve the same way. And that's ok. No one can tell you what/how to/you feel (despite what everyone says, or tries to do or tell you).

I seem to have digressed.

Back to the subject of this post....

So, how long do we hold on, praying expectingly for? At what point do we shift our prayers to "please God, give me this", to "ok, that's not going to happen, help me heart, etc"? I have no clue, I am preaching to the choir. DO we stop praying? DO we move on?  Is it dangerous to "keep waiting/expecting", and to continue to pray? I don't know...just some questions that I have been having.


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