Thursday, April 12, 2012

What I "should" be doing...

Yes, this blog is lacking...I keep having good intentions of writing something..anything on here, but I always get too busy, or I forget...

Life has been going well..I seem to be pretty busy...running errands, helping out friends and family with their kids, going to's been good, though. We thought our car had died a couple of weeks turned out that it was only a $50 repair job/part:) Yay!!

We went to my parents' this past weekend. It was such beautiful weather. Had fun just taking pictures, eating (we always eat well there), cuddling the baby lambs, visiting...DH had a great few days off, which was very much needed.

Sunday morning, I looked after Hayden for a bit. He is such a good little baby. He is almost 1 yr old!!! She brought him over in his PJ's, and she headed off to worship practice. I fed him breakfast, got him changed and dressed..and played with him until we left for church. DH and I ended up driving their car up there, since she had left with someone else, and Hayden's seat was in already in the car. It was a neat bittersweet feeling going to church..I felt we were a family. I kept thinking "This is what we should be doing..we should have a baby (or two) going to church..arguing with the kids as to what to wear (if they're old enough), fighting with DH b/c we were late...." We got to church and Krystle mentioned that I looked harried (did I mention that doesn't play very well on his own, is a bit scared of DH right now, and has to be where you are all times?) I had to strap him in his high chair, and he watched mom get ready, while I got ready to go:) I ended up holding him in church during the service. It was a such a neat feeling...again, bittersweet, knowing that we probably wouldn't have this opportunity ourselves. I didn't cry or fact, it was a great service, and I sang my heart out, and I danced with Baby. It was a time of thinking what I "should" be doing this.

I was having some odd symptoms the other day..really hungry, and tired, and even though the chance of getting pregnant is zero to none, I asked the DR to do a quick PG test, and of course, it was negative. But for the day or so before, as I wondering, I let my mind wander to "what if". I wasn't that surprised when the MOA said that it was negative. In fact, I would have been surprised if I was:)

Honestly? I am tired..tired of trying..tired of even thinking about it...I don't even want to go to more doctors, really, although I may get in to see my OB/GYN to talk about some more options.

A lady in our church had a baby boy, and I have already decided that I won't go to the baby shower (unless it's tied in with something else). I will probably buy him something (I LOVE buying baby stuff!), but I won't go. I won't put myself through that.

Well, that is my update for now....Short and sweet, I know. But that is all I have to write about tonight.

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