Thursday, April 12, 2012

What I "should" be doing...

Yes, this blog is lacking...I keep having good intentions of writing something..anything on here, but I always get too busy, or I forget...

Life has been going well..I seem to be pretty busy...running errands, helping out friends and family with their kids, going to work...it's been good, though. We thought our car had died a couple of weeks ago...it turned out that it was only a $50 repair job/part:) Yay!!

We went to my parents' this past weekend. It was such beautiful weather. Had fun just taking pictures, eating (we always eat well there), cuddling the baby lambs, visiting...DH had a great few days off, which was very much needed.

Sunday morning, I looked after Hayden for a bit. He is such a good little baby. He is almost 1 yr old!!! She brought him over in his PJ's, and she headed off to worship practice. I fed him breakfast, got him changed and dressed..and played with him until we left for church. DH and I ended up driving their car up there, since she had left with someone else, and Hayden's seat was in already in the car. It was a neat bittersweet feeling going to church..I felt we were a family. I kept thinking "This is what we should be doing..we should have a baby (or two) going to church..arguing with the kids as to what to wear (if they're old enough), fighting with DH b/c we were late...." We got to church and Krystle mentioned that I looked harried (did I mention that doesn't play very well on his own, is a bit scared of DH right now, and has to be where you are all times?) I had to strap him in his high chair, and he watched mom get ready, while I got ready to go:) I ended up holding him in church during the service. It was a such a neat feeling...again, bittersweet, knowing that we probably wouldn't have this opportunity ourselves. I didn't cry or anything...in fact, it was a great service, and I sang my heart out, and I danced with Baby. It was a time of thinking what I "should" be doing this.

I was having some odd symptoms the other day..really hungry, and tired, and even though the chance of getting pregnant is zero to none, I asked the DR to do a quick PG test, and of course, it was negative. But for the day or so before, as I wondering, I let my mind wander to "what if". I wasn't that surprised when the MOA said that it was negative. In fact, I would have been surprised if I was:)

Honestly? I am tired..tired of trying..tired of even thinking about it...I don't even want to go to more doctors, really, although I may get in to see my OB/GYN to talk about some more options.

A lady in our church had a baby boy, and I have already decided that I won't go to the baby shower (unless it's tied in with something else). I will probably buy him something (I LOVE buying baby stuff!), but I won't go. I won't put myself through that.

Well, that is my update for now....Short and sweet, I know. But that is all I have to write about tonight.

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