Sunday, January 1, 2012

A New Yaer

We never even made it until midnight last night. Hubby fell asleep on the couch, as we watched "Prince Caspian", and I went to bed shortly after. We had plans on going to church today, but we both slept in (and I never even woke up) until 10:40...that NEVER happens!!! I guess I was sleeping off my cold, and my burn (I burnt my finger the other day, and I have this HUGE blister).

There are a lot of things on my mind today...and I can't even share them w/ my hubby. I don't really know where to start, really...Christmas went well..I got sick a few days before, so that was a bit of a damper. Oh well..we had a good time, anyway..we had a white Christmas at the ranch, and it even snowed a few times. The roads were good there and back, and the car behaved..we got some nice gifts..ate yummy food, had lots of laughs...and generally had a good time. We 5 sisters spent some time together...we all got to see Hayden enjoy his first Christmas. We also stayed in the B&B cabin in the ranch. But I wouldn't say it was the best Christmas I've ever had. I think it was mainly b/c I was sick. It was certainly a lot more relaxing than previous ones, especially for Mom. We didn't have our BIG dinner on Christmas Day. Instead, we had more of a brunch, with salads, and ham. All of we kids made it, which Mom found extremely relaxing.

I still found it a bit sad, though...not having any kids of our own to share it with. I have been struggling with this for awhile...I have good days and bad days...and then really bad days..where EVERYONE on FB is pregnant (some who shouldn't be), and they are complaining about this and that...and I am left thinking "I wish I could complain about a sick child, or being sick while pregnant". I actually said something in my status awhile back that I think left a couple of friends to delete me..and one to write me an inbox message, saying that what I was saying was hostile. I should have responded back, saying that if she didn't like what I said on MY page, then they are more than free to delete me! I never did,

I am following a couple of blogs, and to be honest, it's all I can do to NOT leave a semi-nasty comment on it. But again, if I don't like what they are saying, I can leave, right? One is a woman who had a baby last year (not my friend) - actually in 2010 - who died. They knew that she would not make it, as they found out while she was pregnant that she wouldn't live. She continued on with the pregnancy (as I would have done), and Rachel (the baby) lived for nearly an hour. She got pregnant nearly right away (I have heard that you are very fertile after having a miscarriage, or after a still birth, etc), and she had a baby boy. Now, first of all, let me say that losing a baby would be awful, and I don't wish that on anyone, but I just feel that she is missing the wonderful blessing of what SOOO many other women would give their right arm for...babies!!! Did I mention that she has 4 children? I know that the blog is dedicated to her daughter, so a lot of it would be about her, and the momma's feelings about losing her daughter..but it just seems that all she does is complain about missing her daughter, and is not enjoying her other children. I know, I am being a bit harsh, as I am sure she isn't sharing ALL of her good feelings, as well.

The other blog I am following is about a BEAUTIFUL couple who have adopted a baby girl (she's nearly a year), have their own home business, but from what she writes, she doesn't seem content with her own life. They (to my knowledge) could have their own kids, they just decided to adopt first. Nearly from the time their daughter was born, the mom felt a yearning to help other orphans. Now again, don't get me wrong..I think that is a wonderful and noble thing to do. It just seems to me from her writing that she is always down about it..they were going to go to one country to do some work there, but it didn't work out, and she just got so upset over it. I know, I know..I am judging based on ONLY what I am seeing through her writing, but it just seems to me that although helping orphans, etc is a great idea, one mustn't overlook what God has already put in front of them!! I just see these people, and to me, they don't seem to content with their families:(

Anyway, I had all this in my head, and it didn't come out the way I wanted. Don't you hate that?? I have all these things in my head, and I know what I want to say, but it doesn't come out right.

Well, another year is upon us!! I have NO CLUE as to what God wants or has in store for us. I am thinking about going to school in September, to be a School and Community Support Worker. I really want to be a teachers' aid. But if that doesn't work out, then I there are other places that I could find a job. I really don't have a lot of (current) training, and until I do, I am stuck with crappy jobs like the one I have now. Since having children doesn't seem to be what God wants for us, then I want to find a job that I enjoy, and that may even be with kids. It's only a year course, and I hope to get some bursaries, and grants. Of course, I would just rather have a baby!!

Happy New Year

1 comment:

Nicole said...

definitely hard to see people not appreciating their kids when you're dealing with infertility. Whether it's someone who just complains like everyone else, or someone who didn't even plan to get pregnant, etc.

Part of me hopes I get over infertility enough not to feel guilty if I complain about normal 'mom' things, part of me hopes I never take it for granted.