Saturday, April 14, 2012

Why?

Our Worship/Young Adult Pastor and his family had a baby last week. A little boy. As I have said before, I won't be going to the shower. Well, even before she had had the baby, a lady in our church started through FB organizing meals for them. Now, I personally don't have a problem with it..I mean, when Mom had her 4 younger ones, our church pitched in, and we had meals delivered for probably a month. This is their second baby (their oldest is almost 3), and I think it is a good idea. Well, this lady asked me, and I should have not responded. To be honest, I am avoiding all things baby-related right now. Unless I absolutely have to, I won't be involved. Why? Because I need to be good to myself, and not let myself get weighed down and depressed. I did decide to participate. I don't know why...I mean, we don't even eat properly during the week, due to my work schedule, and I often don't have time to make meals for ourselves, let alone someone else. I think I may try and get out of it. Is that wrong? Maybe. I personally don't care. Maybe it's rude.

So, today, I was chatting with some ladies from our church, and I find out that the pastor has taken two weeks off! This perturbed me a bit. I mean, it would be one thing if they have 3 kids, and he was away working or something...but he is HOME..and they probably have their parents to help. Also, and I realise that you don't want to have a lot of ppl visiting right after you have a baby, but I saw pictures of some our friends at church (younger friends) visiting this family, and holding the baby. Why wasn't I asked to come over? She wasn't in church last week, either, apparently (but neither were we..lol).

I was (and still am, really) in a good mood this morning, but as we were talking about this..I started getting a bit upset about it..and just generally more quiet. I decided to leave, impart b/c I really did need to get going, as I have a ton of stuff to do today, but partly b/c I was a bit upset by the whole thing. I don't know why it gets me...I mean...babies are a pain, right? They cry, wet their pants, eat too much, and generally hinder life. So, why do I want one so much? And why do I have these feelings? Why can't I just let go?? I wish DH would go for counselling with me. He doesn't seem to have the same feelings I do about it. I know he is sad, but we don't talk about it much.

Well, enough grumping for today.

Have a great weekend!

1 comment:

April said...

I think the differences in how you and your husband deal with your childless state is pretty similar to how it is for most husbands and wives, including my husband and me. Men just deal with things differently. If you want to read my old diary from my pre-child depressed days, let me know and I'll send you the link and password.