PS

Just a few more things I forgot to mention....

I am handing out resumes this week, and I did a bit last week, too. I am really hoping that this program works better for me..and they do their job, and help me find one:)

I really want to add some pizzazz to my life..good stuff, of course! While on our trip down to the coast last Thursday, Mom was talking about a book she was reading...I think I really need a life coach..but would probably do better getting some coaching from someone else. Our life is boring (ok..I know our day to day life is busy...but not our over all life), and needs more..well, LIFE to it!!

I am STILL losing my hair...I think from all the health problems. I am getting the home oxygen team to come (or me go there), to assess my O2 levels again...as I seem to be having sore legs when I walk up hill.

I went to a wedding ceremony on the 12th of June for a daughter of some church friends of ours. It was very nice. I tend to not go to ceremonies where I am not invited to the reception, but I decided to go...Such a lovely service.

The next wedding we go to is for another daughter of some friends of ours. Her dad was one of our groomsmen. I do know her (the daughter) a bit...so I am sure it will be a fun wedding. It will b e here in Kamloops, so no travel plans needed.

The fact that I went with mom/dad saved us about $400:) We were charged by the camp site for our first night, and they were unable to credit us...so we have a credit.

The Wedding

I know it's been a week since we've been home, but I just have been too lazy to post!!

I am doing ok..kind of blah. Anker's back is really bad..I may even go in and help him tomorrow for a bit. Things are just kind of blah all around. I am gaining a bit of weight that I lost, and I feel so lonely at times. I really don't have a lot of friends here. Maybe that is partially my fault. I have tried to be friends with people. They are either older, or younger than me. I know, woo is me, right??

SOOO....the weekend! Yes, we FINALLY got my brother married off, Praise Jesus! It was a fun wedding..AND SO beautiful!! We were all worried that the day would be rainy..or at least cold. The parents had been looking on the Internet checking weather for the last two weeks!! It such a simple but elegant wedding..totally Luke:) It was all outside, except for the dance.

Getting down there was a bit of a gong show...and I won't get into it.. but basically, the person that we thought was able to work wasn't able to. I think there was a lack of communication on both parts. I ended up going down w/ Mom and Dad, just in case Anker couldn't make it...in the end, he was able to get Friday off, as he was able to get someone to clean for Friday....by then, I was all set to go down w/ the 'rents, so we just continued with the plan. In the mean time, his sister was gradding from SFU, and he really wanted to go (originally, we were both planning on it)...but I didn't want to risk NOT going to the wedding...so I went ahead. Anker did go to the ceremony, but I had urged him to come on Saturday. ANYWAY..he came over on the ferry as a foot passenger, and it was wonderful that he was there. We went back Sunday with our friends. They dropped us off where are car was (another story..won't get into it), and they went on their way. We went to IHOP for breaky, and ended up seeing his sister for a few minutes, and then we ended up going to a Scandinavian festival. It was a bit of a dud, but it was sort of interesting, and we got a cook book out of it.

Anker and I were going to camp, so since this didn't happen, I ended up staying w/ the fam. It was sooo nice...a lot of ppl have time shares, or live there, so a lot of the places were like appartments. The wedding was great..and beautiful weather. Dad married them, and did a great job, as always. Amanda's parents are sooo sweet!! I hope to get to know them more. The reception was lovely, and before we went into the dance (which was in a small room), we all went outside to see the sunset, and take pictures.

I had to cancel my appts on Monday, so I am not sure when I will book them again.

I thought I had a small babysitting job, but I don't think it's going to go through now. I am really disappointed by it.

I have gotten into the program at Open Door Group (formerly THEO B C), but I don't have appointment with them until July 6. I am still hoping for this week sometime.

We may go to my parents for the weekend. Not totally sure, though. I guess we'll end up camping. We haven't used our new tent yet. It may be the only time we go away all summer.

I am following a bunch of blogs right now..some of them are adoption blogs. Such sweet stories. One Momma has just picked up her son from Ethiopia:) What a neat story!! Some are getting children from Uganda, and Ghana. Some have already adopted, and are adopting another!! I would sooo love to adopt...but that won't be possible for us. Which brings me to another thing..due to my recent health problems..I have been advised by my GYNE that I really shouldn't have kids. I really wasn't surprised (I don't know why), but sad, just the same. He may send me to a Parinatologist, who will have the final say...but I am sure it will be a "no". BUT today, in church, we sang "Healer", and I was totally thinking about that God can HEAL my disease/conditions..and if He wants us to have a baby, then He will make it happen!! I think if one more of my friends announces their pregnancy on Facebook, I may just delete them..lol.

We are going through "Grey's Anatomy" right now again. Our library has most of the seasons, but not season three..how weird is that??

I am reading a couple of books right now by Danielle Steel..yes, I know..mainly fluff books..but they are fast and easy to read.

I got a Cineplex Gift Card for my bday, so Anker and I made use of the a few days after my bday. We watched the movie "Killers". It was like a "Mr. and Mrs. Smith", but not as violent.

I guess that's it for now..not much happening..just errands, and times in the park spent reading...

Oh yes..on Friday night...some of the women in the church had a sleepover. We do this a couple of times a year. We ate, played Tennis and Bowling on Wii, which was a first time for me. Watched a worship DVD, and watched the first part of "The Blind Side". We had a pancake breakfast the next morning!

Enough for now, I guess! Have a wonderful week!

34 is just a number, right?

Well, today is my birthday, and I have to admit, I was dreading just a bit. But it was a very nice day. I was taken to Starbucks twice by my friends (two different ones), and I ended up spending the rest of the time at SB reading my book. Then I headed to the library, where I found not one, but TWO US Weekly NEW (ish) magazines, where as I usually have to have them place them on hold for me. Came home and quickly got ready, and helped Anker put everything into the car. He had made supper and we had a small dinner party for me at the church. Fun times. I got some lovely gifts, and came home around 6:30. (We had to have to early, b/c of Bible Study that is held there). I also had ppl call me today, which has been lovely. I was taken out to SB for the second time today, by my very good friend...came home and Facebooked the rest of the evening away. I also spent most of the morning on Facebook..I loved all my bday wishes:) Anker isn't feeling the greatest, so he is off to bed..where I will go soon.

This has been a bit of a busy week. Monday..I didn't do much...but yesterday, my 2 aunts came into town, and they took me to lunch for my bday. One of my aunts' birthday is just before mine, so we each exchanged gifts. I then went off to get my license renewed. After getting a small slurpee...I went to the park and I spent about 2 hours reading and watching the children play in the water park. It was such a beautiful day:) Today it was rainy..oh well

Tomorrow I am seeing my DR, b/c I think I am getting some of the same symptoms I had back in Feb/March. There not at all as bad as they were..but I must keep on top of these things. I had this appt booked awhile ago, and I have since seen him for what I had orignally booked it for..but I thought I might as well keep it. I joked to the receptionist that I should make sure that I have a booked appt every week...but I think I am partially serious ab out this. I am also seeing my Internist at the end of June. Just in case that I feel that my fam. doctor did the proper tests, etc.

Friday, I am volunteering at the Y again (I usually do this on Wed, but I wanted to not do it on my bday), and then on Friday, we (or at least me) are attending a wedding ceremony of a young couple in our church. I don't usually go to weddings if we (I) are not invited to the reception..but I decided that we should...then I am seeing my Dermatologist for my (still) shedding hair. Mom did say that i had more hair than in Feb, and my g'f has noticed more hair growth..and today, I suddenly noticed that my bangs needed a hair cut. When we were leaving the church tonight..a friend who had come for Bible Study had noticed my shedding hair...so I told her what was up. I also told her that I had gotten my iron and my thyroid checked, and everything seemed ok. The interesting part is....that I never lost hair while I was in the hospital..hmm.

All the while, Anke is finishing a project at the Dental Centre, which, when he is done, will give us money for the wedding!! Speaking of which, our travel plans have changed somewhat, but will post all that after we get back.

My oxygen got taken away, but I am thinking that I need it back..maybe for my hair, and other things..will discuss this tomorrow. I may have to ask for blood gasses..which are NOT fun!

Sunday..my mom's brother and his wife are coming through town on the way to the wedding, and they are stopping by to see us, and her nephew and his wife, on her side of the family. They are taking us out for dinner..YUM!!

So..I can't believe I am 34...I still feel like a child sometimes...and not really grown up. I see people(women) with babies, and homes, etc, and I (still) really want that...but I guess you can't have everything. Yesterday, I was sitting in the park, and I thought "I love my life", b .c at times, I do..I mean..I can get up when I want, and do whatever I want during the day, with no time restraints. I can go the park (or wherever) and go for coffee (when money allows) and read, or whatever. But other times, I struggle. I am not really where I want to be..I mean..I am married, and i love that..but I wish had kids, or that we had a house of our own (or even larger place), and maybe even job I liked, or that we had more money...BUT I am aware that God is bigger than our dreams. I know things will get better..I hope to have a job in the summer. Sometimes, I feel so old..lol. But other times, not so much.

I have lots more doctor appts coming up this spring/summer/fall. I have come to the conclusion that Dr's either do too much or not enough. I am seeing a doctor who thinks I may have a metobolic problem, due to my lack of breathing..ugh!

I think that is all for now...

Doctor's Appts, and the Like

Just a quick update...yes, I am alive..and doing quite well. We have had some cool weather and some rain this week, with very little sun. Quite a difference from the HOT weather in April we had, for sure.

Nothing too exciting going on. Just hanging out, watching tv, reading..etc. I have started reading books for the first time in about a year. I do admit that I like Danielle Steel books (well, most of them), and I just finished (almost finished one) reading her two newer ones. I think my next book I will read is a book my mom gave me for my birthday about two years ago. It looks good, but a bit sad.

Last weekend was very quiet...just basically hung around and didn't do a whole lot. I do go to a movie with a friend.."The Backup Plan", which was quite cute, and I also read a lot. We also went to friends BBQ, which was very nice...it was "BYOM", so I brought a lamb chop, and it was sooo good!! I also went to a Mary Kay party (at the same friends) on Friday, and it was fun getting glammed up!!

My parents celebrated their 36th anniversary. I think they spent the afternoon/evening together, which was nice. They almost always go out for a date night every week..soo sweet:)

I had a bit of a scare..ok, not scare, but more of a concern..yesterday. Actually, it started on Friday, JUST AFTER I went to see my doctor. I started having pain in my right leg, and my foot was sore..almost like it was when I had my blood clot, while I was in the hospital. I went to the WI clinic, JUST to be safe..it wasn't swollen, or hot, so that was good (which I obviously knew), but I just wanted to double check. He said it was fine, and he knew that I didn't want to fool around with something like that, so I didn't feel TOO stupid about going in. Kamloops only has two WI clinics now, and with you having to pay for ER parking, I just decided to go to the WI clinic. An interesting thing..I noticed that the DR who dismissed me at the hospital worked there..I asked who the doc on call was...sooo glad it wasn't the same guy..otherwise..HE would have been given an earful:)

Speaking of doctors..Anker and I went to Vancouver May 17-18. We saw my Lung/Respiralogist, Dr. Ryan. We started out at 9:45 from Kamloops, and got into Vancouver about 1:15 or so. It was a nice drive. We quickly went to lunch, and had a nice walk around the VGH hospital campus (as we had to park about 3 blocks away). The appt went well. My pulmonary function is up to 50% from 40%, so better than it was. I also do well when I am walking with out O2. One kind of sad thing was that we asked him about my getting pregnant, he said no...or that I shouldn't. We are going to talk to my gyne on June 14..and see what he says. Each DR says something different. It may just be too risky.

After the appt, Anker wanted to show me a park that he went to awhile ago. We had a nice walk, and it was a cool day, but not COLD/RAINY, so that was lovely. We went to his sisters place for supper, and we ended up just saying the night. We had the mattress in our car anyway, and I had packed just in case, so it all worked out. After a nice breaky, we all went to IKEA, and we shopped around, and then came home in terrible rainy weather.

I also saw the Internal Medicine Specialist this last week. She was the doctor who sent me to VGH. She said that I was doing well.

I am starting to (sort of) look for work. I have decided to not apply for any disability, b/c I really don't think I will get any. I went to THEO (now called Open Door Group), and they are going to switch me to another program, which makes me wonder why they didn't do this before?? (like last year??), but I guess this is all in God's timing. I guess it has more support, financially, etc, and I may even get a job sooner. I hope to have a job before I go to my brother's wedding in June.

I am getting excited about my brother's wedding. I was looking through my friends blog archives today, and I came across an entry where they stayed a campground in/near where the wedding is going to be...so we called, and we got ourselves a campsite!! We really can't afford to stay in a hotel (again, unless I get a job, and start work, and get paid before we leave), along with a ferry ride, etc. I just hope it's not raining..lol. And we did make sure that it is near the wedding site...and they say it is..woo-hoo. This allows us to maybe go out for a couple of meals, and maybe go to the Butchart Gardens in Victoria.

I guess that is it for now....

Bleh:(

Maybe it's the Friday night blues..I don't know, but I feel kind of blah tonight:( I haven't felt well all afternoon, and it's a bit concerning. I feel a bit bloated, and Anker says my stomach seems a bit larger. The scale has stayed the same for a week, and while that is nice, I would rather be losing. So, I am wondering, while I am not gaining fat, maybe I am gaining fluid? We are heading to see Dr. Frank Ryan in Vancouver on Monday for the day, so I am hoping that he can help and see what is up.

Actually, today has been rather nice. I pretty much just read and did laundry all day...I had to run out to the bank earlier, but that was pretty much it. I felt spoilt, today, as two nights in a row, Anker has made supper! Earlier this evening, I just sat outside, and read my book...it was sooo nice and warm!!

So, last weekend, Anker and went to my parents place for Mother's Day. We had been half planning to go, especially since Mom had done SO MUCH for me while I was in the hospital. Then, when the church announced they were having a work bee that same weekend (we went out for a day a few weeks before), Anker wanted to be involved. So, we all piled in the car (yes, with my sleeping machine), and after a quick supper at Subway, we headed out. It was a great weekend, and I am really glad we went. Mom had be paint base-boards, of which I had never done before..I had never painted at all before..Can you believe it? It was a lot of fun, and about 20 ppl came out!

Saturday night, Anker, Joseph, Cadence, Vienna, and myself went out for supper, and back to J&C's house for a visit, and a movie (not really a movie...but hard to explain).

Sunday was Mother's Day, and we had a nice breakfast, and a great Sunday service. Dad preached the best sermon I had heard him preach..ok..he always preaches good sermons, but I really enjoyed this one. I was a bit blah that morning, b/c of not being a mom, etc. Then to top it off, a friend of my aunts (the were both sitting beside us), thought I was pregnant! I think it was b/c everyone kept asking me how I was. She handled it very nicely, and I didn't say anything to her friend (good thing, b/c I might have been rude about it..lol). I was feeling better after church, and we all went home to work on yard work (what mom wanted to do), and get lunch ready. It ended up being a later lunch, so we didn;t have any supper. I had lamb chops, since I have to be careful of the salt, and everyone else had wieners/smokies. Had ice cream and berries for dessert, and then we all headed our separate ways.

This week has been pretty good..nothing too exciting, really. Just a beautiful week for the most part. We were going to go to The ranch this weekend, but we thought Anker had to work, so we didn't end up going. He came back from work this morning, saying that the event at the church had been cancelled, so we could have gone, but with our going to Vanc. on Monday, we just decided to stay put.

Will update more Tuesday after we come back

Randoms

I have a blogging friend that does this every Tuesday, called Tuesday Randoms..well, it's Wednesday, so I thought I would do "Wednesday Randoms'. Or, how ever often I update my blog.

I added a few more people to this blog. I hope they accept. You can have 100 readers on your private blog. I have been debating about asking certain family members to my blog...Maybe..we'll see...lol.

You may wonder why I never have any pics on here. Well, simply put, I don't know how. I tried, really, I tried. But, I can't, SOOO...hopefully, you are a Facebook friend, and you can see pics there. I have just added some new pics. They were on my camera, and I had no idea that the Christmas ones where on there. I was wondering where they were. I DID get a book on blogger..maybe I should read it.

I have been going out A LOT lately...errands, coffee w/ friends, etc. It's been fun, but I plan to do NOTHING tomorrow, and just stay home and Facebook, and housework:)

I got a beautiful quilt the other day, from some ladies near where I grew. I am sure that it hand stitched...Blue, and soo beautiful:)

I also bought a Duvet the other day..and some sheets. They go together really well. I can't wait until I try them on the bed.

So..I have figured out that a 20 minute hockey period lasts (ok, with the intermission) about an hour. Seriously..I don't mind hockey...but I can't wait until Playoffs are over. I actually get off quite easy, as Anker only watches hockey (for the most part) during the playoffs.

I have been adding a few public blogs to my reading list lately. They are soo amazing, and much better ladies than I. Most of them have to do with adoption, either they have adopted, or in the process. Most of them are from the States, but I love to read them..mainly at night. I have been wanting to adopt..but I know we never will. Money, and our ages (mainly Ankers) for one..and sooo many other reasons, that I won't put on here. But, it's fun to dream, right?

It has been a yucky few days...I hope it gets nicer soon.

I have been volunteering at the "Y" since Christmas. I actually have only gone 4 times, including today..then I went to Calgary, got sick, etc, so I went back for the first time today. I am doing office work...originally, I was going for b/c I was interested in Day Care, but now I am working in the office, b/c I need work experience.

I am sort of looking for work..I may go on disability, but in a way, I would just rather work part time.

We are going to my parents this weekend. The church there is having a workbee, and it is Mother's Day. I already got her gift and card. I will be missing our Ladies retreat for the first time in 4 yrs, but I wanted to do something different this year.

I have finally finished all my Thank You cards..ok, just a few more left, but they are basically done, and mailed. Yay!

There's another man in my life..his name is Frank:) I am not ashamed to have him..as he helps me sleep. Seriously...it is my Bi-Pap machine, and I sleep very well...I wake up "early", (8 am), and I go to sleep an decent hour, and I don't have a nap during the day.

I can walk up hills for the first time in about 2 yrs...I feel soo free now. I would have gone for a walk today, but it was a yucky day. Will try for tomorrow.

Ok..this is a fairly long post....

Happy Wednesday

Baby Talk, and my Diagnosis

So, tonight, I feel like sharing to the 2 people that read my blog:)

My friend, C, invited me out tonight w/ some of her church friends to a "Ladies Night Out" Dinner. I wasn't sure about going, but decided that it may be good for me. So, I went. The food was a bit expensive, but very good. C made sure that she introduced me to everyone else, and she and I chatted, and most of the night, i didn't feel ignored. But as I thought, eventually, the talk turned to kids, pregnancy, etc. I knew it would, as most of her (and me too) friends have children. It was hard, actually thought about leaving, but I decided to stay. I know I should be grateful just to be alive, etc, but I really am starting to feel the "gnawing", as I am getting older, etc. Most of my friends have children, and a lot of people have been having babies recently. Although I am very happy for them, I am still sad that we probably won't have any. To be fair, we haven't been considered "infertile". I have PCOS, and that can be easily rectified through drugs (maybe), but even then, we aren't sure. Then there is my "new" health problems to worry about. I don't know if I can carry a pregnancy to term or not. This will need to be discussed w/ the Specialist that my GP is referring me to. Anyway..just felt like sharing that with you:)

So, nothing really new lately. Just been trying to not do too much, but somehow, I end up going out and doing errands, but I love it. The weather sure has been warm lately. Anker and I spent some time at the park on Sunday...it wasn't that warm, and very windy, but at least we got out.

I walked up hill (2x) and I did great...I didn't get out of breath (until the very end), which has been something that I haven't been able to do (well) in about 2 years.

Two weeks ago, Anker and I went to my parents church and place for the day. It was a lovely day, and we pretty much just sat outside all afternoon, and afterwards, we had a great Turkey supper!!

I am enjoying this lovely shake that I make every few days (I should be making it every day..but I don't..lol). Mom told me about it..and it is sooo good...I put in 1Tb of OJ (frozen), and 1TB of milk powder, half a glass/cup of water, ANY berries, frozen or fresh, 1 egg, banana (optional), and ice...oh, and artificial sweetner (again..optional..but I like it with it in). It makes about 2 1/2 glasses...soo good!! Today, I forgot the egg..oh well:)

I made some WICKED chicken wings yesterday...sooo good! I totally just made up the recipe, too. Honey (liquid), mustard, ketchup, and Italian dressing..mmm:) 350 for about an hour..YUMMY!!

SOOO..some of you are wondering what exactly happened to me when I got sick...

It's really a looong story...BUT I will try to shorten it...

I think it all started in Oct 2008...I started feeling out of breath, etc, but not sure what was up..I would have problems sleeping, and not be able to sleep laying flat, and I would cough if I got real bad. In May 2009, I had a gastroscopy, a she told me that I had hiatus hernia, where some of the upper stomach protrude through the esophagus. I totally wasn't sure if I had it though, as I wasn't having some of the symptoms that usually go along with it. Anyway...I would have a week or so of having it really bad, to being ok for a few weeks. I was also having headaches when I woke up in the morning, but I went to my GP, who did a thorough check up, and said it wasn't anything to be concerned about. I tried not having caffeine at night, to not being on the computer so late, etc.

So..fast forward to Feb of this year. I went to help my cousin and her family, and she noticed a couple of times that my lips and face were blue. I then noticed later in the week that my fingers were blue. So...the weekend before I came home, I spent it w/ my grandparents..I wasn't walking normally (a normal speed), and I just felt SOOO tired. I finally went to see my GP, and he told me to get some tests done, etc...but didn't seem overly concerned. I then woke up the next day w/ my right hand not being able to move. I went to the hospital, as it was Friday, and my Doctor isn't open that day. The ER doc totally dismissed me, and just told me (w/o doing ANY testing), that I had Raynauds Disease.

So, two days ago, on Sunday, I wanted to go to my parents house, as it was my sisters 18th b day, and I wanted to be there to help her celebrate it. Anker drove me on Sunday afternoon (oh, and I must say, that before this I was feeling awful..I just felt like I had the flu..and NO energy to do ANYTHING!!), to the ranch, and promptly cam e home, as he had to work that afternoon. Mom took one look at me, and told me that if I looked like that on Monday, then she would take me to the DR. So, the next day, she took me in, and he took one look at me, and asked about 3 questions, and then told me (after listening to my heart/lungs), that I had fluid on the lungs, and heart failure. He told us to go the hospital, and to get some tests, done, and wait for him.

So, we went, got the tests done, and then he told us to go to Kamloops. So, off in the ambulance I went, w/ Mom/June following me. Dad called Anker, and told him what was going on, and Anker was VERY shocked...and he met me at the hospital. SOOO..after two days there, they sent me to VGH. People often say this to me now..that I looked horrible (ok, not like that..but I know I did), and that I am soo much better now. I also about 30 lbs (they took off 2liters of fluid..from my abdomen).

Sooo..the diagnosis is that I have muscle weakness, and when I lie down, I only breathe 23% capacity, and 40% when I am up and around. They call it Hypo-ventilation. I also have to be careful with my salt (I have to take water pills). They say that this was b/c of my omphalocele, and the reason that I had fluid on my abdomen, was b/c of the pressure going my from my heart and lungs (breathing, etc). I also had pulmonary hypertension. I also have to have oxygen when I am walking, etc, and I have a Bi-Pap machine that I sleep with at night. I am finding that since being home, I am waking up earlier, and going to sleep earlier (remember when I would go to sleep around 12 am, and later??). I hope this all makes sense...I still don't understand it all. The main is that I am alive now...and that I may have had this all my life.

Well, I guess that is all for now....