Weird Space

Yup...still alive :) Never fear, yo!!!

I feel like I am in a bit of a weird space. I have felt that way for awhile, even before going off on sick leave from work. I think it has to do in part with a certain milestone birthday coming up. But, it is also just me, and where I/we am/are in life.

We are super strapped for money, which leaves us both pretty stretched and stressed. We are both down a fair amount (but at least I happen to get out a lot, which is good), which doesn't help. And yes, I do struggle with contentment, and that is something I know I need to work on. I can't even fully describe on what or how I am feeling. I feel like there is something more that I want to/should do with my life.

As far as how I am feeling, I just feel...displaced. I am at an odd place in my life...I have a career, but I still feel blah. We don't have kids; we have cats. We are almost 16 years apart; hubby is on disability, so he doesn't have a job to talk about/go to, etc. At least he is going back to church..yay!!! It makes it had to have good "couple friends". It makes it hard to connect, and, at times, make myself feel heard. I know I suffer from depression and anxiety, and I am aware of when I get too down and depressed, etc. I DO try to get out each day, which I know is important.

Since being off work, I haven't felt like doing much....I haven't walked as much as I should...I haven't tackled any major cleaning projects. I haven't read any books..only magazines. I haven't felt even much like blogging lately.  I even have a bad habit, where I will shut myself in our room, and read, Facebook, and watch tv, etc. We ate our supper "together" (ie: in front of the news) for the first time awhile this evening, and that was in front of the tv. Of course, we do do things together; we may go and run some errands, or watch a movie or two in the evening (to be fair, some of the movies that I get from the library, I know he won't like, so I do tend to watch them alone). We spent some time outside in the yard a couple of weeks ago....and we went to the ranch last wknd.

I do get out (as I have said above), and I see someone nearly every day, which is good. I am still pretty social, which I know is important. The one thing that I haven't done a ton is call people. I DID spend a few hours outside the other day, and called some of my family, which was great. I know I have retreated a bit, and I am aware of that, but I think my friends and family are aware of it, too, which is good. I think they are good at checking up on me; texting, messaging, etc. That is something I appreciate so much.

So, that is kind of where I am/we are at the moment. I know I am in/at a weird head (blank?) space right now, but I know that it will get better. Life is tough right now, but God is tougher :)