Here is one that is in the current one...
Kamloops Momma’s! (and Dad’s too!),
I hope everyone and their little ones had a great Halloween.
I am not a big fan of Halloween myself, but I do enjoy seeing the kids dressed
up on their costumes, and of course, buying and eating the candy!!! Bebop was
our only trick-or-treater, and came carrying his transformers costume, since he
didn’t want to wear it. I think he enjoyed getting the candy, and assortments
of treats he was given. Judging from the Facebook pictures I saw, Rosebud was
dressed up as a kitty. Such a cutie!
I am very thankful for all of the positive comments, and
support I have gotten for my debut article! I had such fun writing it, and
thankful for the opportunity.
One of the things I have been thinking about is the divide
between people who have kids, and people who don’t; whether it is by choice, or
they are unable to have them(for this article, I will largely be referring to
women). Sadly, a lot of friendships that I have had through the years have
died, a lot of them partly due to my not having kids. It makes me sad, but it
is also a part of life. What can momma’s do to bridge the gaps between your
childless friends? I thought of a few things….
DON’T assume that we don’t want to hang with you and your
little ones. Even if we can’t (or don’t) have kids, it doesn’t mean that we
don’t want to be around them. Being around kids allows us to be kids again
ourselves, to laugh, and be and act silly, and see the world through a child’s
eyes. This also includes asking us to
baby sit. We will love that time to hang out and spoil your little ones, don’t
assume, just ask…However….
DON’T assume that we always DO want to hang with (and hold) your
kids, either. There are some days when the hurt is just so great, that we have
to allow that space between us and kids for a while. It may just be a few days,
but that space is often greatly needed to make it through.
DO talk about other things other than your kids. Sure we
love to hear stories about your kidlets. 24/7? No, thank you! There are other
things that make you uniquely youJ
What are your dreams, your hobbies? What did you do before you had children?
DON’T assume that because we don’t have kids, we don’t have
some thoughtful advice. No, I am not a parent, but I helped raise our 4 younger
siblings. I also babysit, and I have lots of kids in my life, so I do know a
thing or two about children. So, please don’t be rude when we give advice, or
have some interesting tidbit we would like to share.
DO allow us some space, especially when it comes to baby-related
events. As I mentioned above, we don’t always want to go to your niece’s best
friend’s daughter’s baby shower, or Christening. It’s not to say that we DON’T
enjoy holding the baby, and talking about all things baby-related for two hours
non-stop, we do, and everyone feels differently about this, but for me, I also
feel a bit sad that I will probably never know that feeling of being a mom, and
all that goes with it. So, if we don’t go to your baby shower, it’s not that we
don’t like you; it is just that we need some space. I myself often find it
easier to another time, and bring a gift, and spend some time with you and your
baby.
DO make a point in making and spending time with us
(shopping, coffee, etc). Just because we don`t have kids, it doesn`t mean that
we don`t have anything in common with you anymore. Yes, our lives are
different, but it doesn’t give us an excuse to ever see each other. Besides,
maybe we will want to hang out with your little ones while you are trying on
that new dress you’ve been eyeing.
DON’T offer platitudes, like “oh, so-and-so were told they
couldn’t have kids, and BAM they had one”; or “what about adoption?” We know you are just trying to be nice. Maybe
you don’t know what else to say, or you feel awkward, whatever the reason, it
isn’t helpful. EVERY case and circumstance is different, and no one knows that
journey that they are going through.
DO ask us questions about our lives, thoughts, and dreams.
Just because we don’t have children, it doesn’t mean that we any less of a person,
or that there is something wrong with us. To add to, even though it DOES get
tiring asking us about our “baby journey”, but we also like to know that you
are interested. Ask if we are ok to talk about it, or, take a cue from us, and
see how are reacting to your questions, or some of the time, we will probably
end up bringing it up ourselves. Just listen. You don’t have to give us advice,
just let us know that you are thinking of us.
….this brings me to my last one…which kind of is the same as
above…
DO let us know that you are thinking of us. Mothers /Fathers
Day are quite hard on us as childless parents. Just let us know that we are in
your thoughts and prayers. Cards and small gifts are also nice gestures to let
us know that we are not forgotten.
DO know that when you are rocking your baby back to sleep in
the middle of the night, or you are yelling at your toddler for the 100th
time that day, there is a woman (and her hubby), that is DYING to be doing
those things, and to have a child call them “momma”…take everything in stride.
Enjoy your babies, for it will all go fast.
And, these, my momma friends, are just a few of the things
that I have come to my mind the last while, but I am sure there are many
more. Just please know that we are not
diseases to be left alone. We love you and we love your kiddies. Just ask what
we would like/need,etc.
Have a wonderful Christmas Season, with your babies!
No comments:
Post a Comment