A Midsummer's Afternoon....

Thought i should update, before we get to September.

My last day of work yesterday. I thought about blowing it off, but we really need the money, and our staff field day was today (more on that later), so I also wanted to go to that.

Our Cousins reunion was a great success! I had a ton of fun holding babies, chatting with cousins I don't see often, and camping. I even spent a night in the tent alone:) (It would have been two nights, but I got chicken the first night, and slept in my parents' guest room. I got to see Norah..she's such a cutie! We spent the week going to the lake, and we also went to Wells Gray Park. We went on a bit more of a hike than we bargained for! It was a lovely hot week, and I am soo glad we went.

Last Saturday, I went to the river/park. I haven't gone this summer yet (partly due to high water, and partly due to it being chilly, and then I was just plain busy). I had a great time. I didn't want to come home. We have been terrible at going to church this summer...I think we plan to go this Sunday.

My last week of work was this week..(oh yah, i already said that..lol), and it was good...but I am glad I am done. It felt odd doing things last night for the last time..taking down my stuff on my bulletin boards, and packing my stuff to go home. It feels weird, actually. I am a bit anxious, scared of what school (and beyond) brings. I KNOW that the Lord has a plan for both of us!

Hubby and I have some good visits this week. I love talking with him. We seem to be doing really well right now. I think when we do more things together, we tend to do better in our relationship.

So, today, we had our annual Staff Day. For the last few years, they have taken a day (usually a Friday) and do something fun. (Did I mention that they pay us to do this??) Last year we went to Sun Peaks, and this year, after delays, change of plans (we were going to go to Cirque De Soleil), we ended up going horseback riding at a riding stable here in town. I didn't go..partly due to my fear of horses, it being VERY hot, and I wasn't feeling the greatest. I stayed back and chatted with the others that had already gone (they went in two groups). We had a nice picnic, that they had catered, and the stable grounds themselves were really nice (but NOT shade!). They had a reception/games room, where I sat and read...they even had washrooms:) There were animals, and some games. It was pretty hot to be playing, but we still had fun. We grabbed a drink on the way home, then I had a few errands to run. I got my hair cut/braided today. It had been bothering me for awhile, so I just decided to go and get it cut! She ended up braiding it, which I really like. Grabbed pizza on the way home, and I uploaded my pics...and just generally relaxing.

One really neat thing that happened to me last night...there is a parenting magazine that I often read, and I saw in this past issue that they were looking for a writer for their "The day in the life series" (ok, it's not called that, but it's something similar). I have often thought about writing about being a childless mama (in that magazine, and maybe in other areas). I emailed the editor, asking her about my doing a column on being a childless mama...and she LOVED the idea..soo, I will be writing for them for the year! It is a bi-monthly (every two months) magazine, so I don't have to worry about writing EVERY month...but even if I did, I wouldn't care. I am soo happy! You would have thought I had been given the moon, or something!! I was so excited that I called my mom who was in Vancouver with her friend, and I woke her up!! She was happy that I called, though.

Well, that's about it for now....trying to get my stuff for school found, and bought. Going to enjoy the next few weeks.

I Wish had the Words...

Another beautiful day from the Interior of BC!! Despite my depressing title, I am actually feeling well:) But, there are a few things I wanted to try to express some of my infertility thoughts.

First though...and update on our summer so far.

The first week of July, we went camping at Lac Le Jeune Lake..about 15-20 minutes away. We had a great time, despite the heat, and the fact that we both got burnt. His sister and her family joined us the last half of the trip, and we had a great time together. I spent the days swimming, and relaxing.. but of course, camping (esp tent camping)is a lot of work..but we came back (semi) refreshed. At least we got away. Anker had the whole week off, and I only ended up working Monday (I blew off Thursday).

While we were camping, we also gained a niece! Norah Ruth was born on July 9, and she is gorgeous! I can't wait to see her on Tuesday. My bro is a great daddy!!!

I have looked after Hayden a couple of times this summer as well. I haven't gone swimming a whole lot..really the only time was at LLJ. I usually go to one of the river parks here in town, but I don't seem to have the time..plus, I don't like going alone all the time, and Hubby doesn't like going to the beach. I did go to the TCC once a few weeks go, to enjoy the indoor swimming pool.

Things were pretty quiet until the week of our anniversary. We had planned on going to a B&B that we saw online for the weekend. Sadly, our car had issues on the Monday before, so that took a bit of money that we were planning on for the weekend. We ended up staying home, and went for supper, and spent a lazy Saturday hanging out...went for ice cream on Saturday evening..and hung out a bit on Sunday.

I think that pretty much sums up the last month or so. I didn't help with our church's VBS, and it felt a bit odd, but it was nice to have the break..I did help on the last day, however, which was nice. This wknd, we are headed to a family reunion. I will be there until Thursday, which I am looking forward to.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a bad day. I was already in a funk, and then it just got worse! ARRGH! I am tired of people who are my "friends" not texting, calling, facebooking, etc. I am finding that I am doing ALL the communicating, and frankly, I am getting tired of it. Even my family (ok, except my mom and my sister) don't connect with me much unless I do it first. So, I had that on my mind, then just the infertility thoughts came back. I was SO ticked that every 2nd post on FB had to do with babies, nursing, midwifing, etc. SO I deleted a bunch of people. A LOT of those people I don't know or connect with very much anyway, and some of them I did know, but I was just tired of seeing their preggo bellies, nursing/midwifing -related posts. I have to be good to myself. Only do things that I HAVE to do.. You can't ask me to do more than that.

I am tired of not having kids..tired of saying "we can't have them"..and explaining that we can't foster/adopt a baby. Although I am SO happy to be seeing my siblings/cousins, I am a bit sad, too...as there will be 2 or 3 babies there..and one pregnant lady...sigh. It's hard to be happy for them. I want to be happy for them..I do...but then I look at us, and I feel sad...sad, b/c ever since I was a child, I have always wanted to be a mom..sad, b/c I think that God has forgotten us. Sad, b/c I LOVE babies! I want to enjoy that feeling...I want to join the "mommy gang", to swap stories of high chairs, car seats, disciplinary tactics....I wonder why (other than physically) God hasn't given us children. Does he think we would be bad parents? Would we hurt them?? Would we neglect them?? A lot of things go and run through my mind. Then, I just stop thinking about it, b/c I get sad and mad...and I focus on other things.

I am for sure going to school next month!!! I can't believe how fast this last few months have gone!! It just seems like yesterday that I was thinking about school:) I AM excited about new happenings in my (our) life. Excited to see where God leads us.

I had a dream the other night...I dreamt that I was going through a fire...with a cross on my back (I know..it's strange..I have weird dreams lately), but I got through the fire..and even in my dream..I heard a voice (God's??) saying that HE will take us through the fire! It was totally encouraging.

I have read a few books this summer...One that I JUST finished "Secret Daughter", which was amazing. I don't normally like present-tense written books, but I am finding that I am really enjoying them as I get older. I also have read "Water for Elephants". It was ok, but not my favourite.

It looks like I will have to buy a new laptop for school. I guess I was a bit too hard on my last one, and the LCD screen broke! I think I will have enough from my Student loan to buy a laptop, since the one I have is really too small to type anything on it.

Well, I think that's all for now...I will try to update before I head off to school (less than a month now..eek!)

Oh yah..I have given my notice, and I am SO glad that I am leaving. It is such a schamozz over there...I actually don't even like going there anymore. My last day is in the middle of August.

Summer's Here!

Thought I would post a bit on what is going on.

We are FINALLY getting summer weather here. SOOO lovely..hot and sunny. A and I are planning on going camping for much of this week. There is a campground about a half hour away, which is perfect. We have never been to this campground before, so we are looking forward to it. This will probably be our only MAJOR camping trip this summer. We will be going to my parents early next month, and tenting, but we will be hanging out with the family for a lot of it...so won't be doing a lot of camping meals. I have to work Mon and Thurs next week, but at least it's not far to go back and forth. We are hoping that his sister and family will come and join us.

Canada Day was pretty quiet. We didn't end up going down town, mainly b/c we didn't want to fight the crowds. We just stayed home..I went to church...and we went out for ice cream and a walk around the park, and then we saw the fireworks at night.

Last Saturday, I treated my dad to a pedicure for Father's Day. We went to Lunch at White Spot, and then ran a few errands, and had our pedicures. We both thoroughly enjoyed it. I think that's all the pedi's for me though for awhile. 2 in just over a month is more than I have had..for well, EVER!

My latest addiction, uh, I mean hobby is Pinterest. I didn't "get" it for awhile, but I started up with again a month or so, and I love it! Almost every site has a "Pin it" button, so it makes it easier to do. Anyway..just something fun to do..and I love to dream:)

I put in my application for my loan, so I hope to find out from them soon. I got a B+ as my final grade in my English Class. I was sooo happy!! I know it's not the big leagues, but at least it's a start.

Had a bit of a rough week this past week..well, just a rough couple of days. Just more baby longings, and an insensitive email from a family member. NO ONE will EVER be in the same situation as you are..NO ONE!! So, no one can ever understand your pain, or what you are going through.

We are on baby watch for L&A...her DD was July 5, so it could come any day.

I had a lovey Friday yesterday. I love Fridays. Every Friday, nearly with out fail, I go get some weekly magazines, then go to Starbucks, and journal for the week, and read my mags. It is SO fun, and sometimes the highlight of my week!! I think once school starts, it will have to be on Saturday. It was SO beautiful yesterday. After my coffee time, I had to run a few errands..so I went to the TCC pool, where I have a free pass for the summer. I was thinking that I probably should have gone to the beach, but I didn't want to fight the busy-ness. I had fun..although the water was a bit too warm...but it was nice to some excerise. I went down their water slide..twice..such fun!! It's never open when I am there, so I thought I would take advantage of it. I got my bangs trimmed, and then I got myself a Screamer, and came home, and sat outside on our green space..I read, I journalled. Just hung out for the rest of the evening...hubby was working on a project, and I made supper. We usually (but not always) have Fish and Chips on Fridays. I did a bit of a (healthier?) twist on the fish, though...it was good.

Oh yes..last Thursday, I got to look after Hayden for a couple of hours while his mommy went to the dentist. We had SO MUCH fun!! It wasn't overly warm (there was a wind), but it was still lovely to hang out at the park. I took him on the swing, which he LOVED, I swear were there for a half hour swinging. I took him to the water park...a first for him...he didn't love it, though. I think I look after him this Friday.

We have a place where we are going to celebrate our 5th anni. We are really looking forward to that. We M cousins are going to have a reunion right after the Aug long wknd. We are very much looking forward to being together...probably the first..in well..ever!! Looking forward to seeing everyone, and having lovely visits, and of course can't to see all the babies!!!

I was thinking (hoping??) that I was pregnant earlier in the week..I had all the signs..well, mainly the nauseous signs...but I took to PG tests, and thy were NEG! Oh well.

I got my immunisations for school the other week. I had no idea that adults were to get another MMR/Polio vaccine in their later years. (I also test NEG to being exposed to TB..yay!)

It's off to start packing...:)

Bday news, and an update on Lucy

On my birthday, I wrote about Lucy Krull, a girl who lives in TN, USA, who is about 6(?) years old who has been fighting cancer for about 15 months. I wrote that I was sad to hear/read that it didn't look like she had much time left on this earth..well, I am here to report that while they are certainly not out of the woods yet, she is MUCH BETTER!! I was nearly crying (which I don't do often), knowing that this family would have to let go of their sweet daughter!!! SO glad that it looks like they will get to spend more time with her on this earth. Please pray, however, that she continues in this direction!

I also wanted to report on my friend D, who is 26 wks pregnant with their second baby. You may remember last year, when I was talking about Baby T, whom she lost due to a premature birth (24.5 wks). It looks like she will be deliver the baby in the next couple of weeks..please pray that she delivers the latest as possible. She is in STRICT bed rest at the hospital, and just waiting for to her deliver the baby.

Ok..on to other news...I had a great birthday. Hubs got away with not planning anything, since people from Vavenby were coming into a "Couple's Night Out" evening seminar. If you have never got a chance to hear Phil Callaway, you SHOULD!! It was a night of laughs, and provoking thoughts. Prior to that, tho, my two sets of aunts and uncles came in with two other couples (one, girl, who's bday is just a day before mine, and her hubby came in as well), so we had a great evening. I was a bit sad that mom and dad couldn't join us, but we went out aftewards for coffee:) We had a great dinner at White Spot, complete with chocolate cake!!

Last night, the girls who I go for coffee with gave me a lovely party at Montana's. We had a lot of good fun, laughter, and the food was amazing. They also gave me some really sweet gifts.

My last day of school was on Thursday. It was bitter sweet...glad that my crazy schedule is over, but sad that I won't be in a great class with some great ppl!!! I also have paid my first payment to school in the fall!!! It is all a bit daunting, but exciting at the same time.

Well, I should try and just relax for the rest of the day..just thought I will give you a quick update!

Two Little Girls....

Today my thoughts are on two precious little girls. I have been following their cancer struggles via blog. I have been following Kate's since nearly the day she was diagnosed with cancer, nearly three years ago..the other, Lucy, I guess I have been following for 15 months..I guess also since she got the diagnosis (her mom was already blogging about their family before Lucy got cancer..and she just continued on with the same blog for Lucy).

Kate is a little girl who (if I can remember correctly) is about 7 or 8. She was diagnosed with cancer June 2009. Her family has gone through extensive treatments for her...all the while praying, hoping and believing that she would fight it. It looks like she will. They have moved from AZ to CA (due to her dad's work), and I think their next move will be to wait and see if the cancer progresses or comes back. If I am reading correctly, it looks like she will make it....

Lucy, on the other hand, will not. She was diagnosed about 15 months ago, which, like Kate's family turned their lives upside down. It looked like she was doing well, and fighting it, but I went to their blog yesterday to find out that she only has weeks or even days to live. My heart is breaking for this family.

I see soo many similarities in this family....the girls are both middle (of three) children...both are from strong Christian Families, and they both have little brothers!! And they are both fighters. I can't imagine losing a sibling or a child to cancer (or anything for that matter). No parent should have to bury a child...

I don't know why God chooses to let one child live and let another die...it just seems so wrong...questions that I will ask when I get to heaven, for sure.

Please pray for the McRae, and Krull families...Kate's Mom Holly, and Lucy's mom, Kate, both have public blogs, which I will post here for you.

Lucy's blog: http://erikandkatekrull.blogspot.ca/
Kate's Blog : http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mcraekate ( I think you may have to register with CB, but not totally sure...)

The Eve of my Birthday....

Just a quick(?) post, as I should be heading to bed. Tomorrow is my bday. I turn another year older. I can't believe I am the age I am..it's odd:( But I am ok (for the most part) about my age. On the most part, I am pretty happy...fairly healthy..and looking forward to the things God has in store for us!

I am nearly done my U-Prep English course. I can't believe that it is almost over. I am really enjoying it!! I love my teacher, and I have met some new friends. I have one BIG paper (we don't have exams) due next Thursday, and a few small projects, then we are done!!! It has been pretty hard balancing school, work, house duties, and time with hubby..not to mention just time to relax (and I don't necessarily mean my "coffee" time, either). I don't know how I will do when I go to school full time in the fall. Yes, I got accepted! There are still a few conditions, but for the most part, I am in! I am soo stoked!!

Aunty June's wedding was a blast! It was a gorgeous day, and everyone had a great time! June looked amazing...and very relaxed. I think she had a great day!!

I had her bridal shower last wknd..it was good, but a bit rushed..she enjoyed it anyway.

I think I will end this now..I promised you short, right?

Looking forward tomorrow..I have the whole day planned!!!

What a Week!! Is it over yet?

What a week! I am so excited for the weekend. I really don't have much planned..just read, and watch some movies:)

Well, I wrote and told you what happened on Monday...well, the week just got worse!!

Not sure if I blogged about this, but around the time change, I started getting REALLY tired. I also was feeling hungry, nearly right after eating, and a few other symptoms. Well, I got some blood work done, and it came out fine (high cholesterol, but I knew that). But I was still insistant that something was wrong. He did a second round of Blood work. In the mean time, we discovered the my BiPap machine had a bit of a leak in the hose, connecting it from the water chamber, to my mask, which was probably part of the problem (after we got a new hose, I wasn't tired much anymore). Yesterday, I went to my doctor, who tells me I have Type 2 Diabetes. True Story. I mean...REALLY??? I need that like a hole in the head!!! I know it's not a big deal, but with the other stuff going on, I just didn't need it. I am already on Metformin, which is suppose to help w/ my PCOS, so that is probably why I wasn't feeling more sick. To be honest, I wasn't that surprised, but I still stressed about it. A lot. I know I shouldn't say this...but I almost wished it were something else. It's cool and "in" to get Cancer..it's not cool to get diabetes. That being said, Paula Dean has it, so I guess it's being talked about more now. I wasn't even going to tell my parents, but I broke down and told my dad (mom is away) tonight. He told me to be thankful that I didn't have cancer. At least Cancer wouldn't be (for the most part) my fault. Diabetes is. Anyway....that being said, I have let it digest, and settle, and I am feeling a bit better about it today. I am seeing the diabetic clinic when they decide to give me a call. I just didn't need this on top of everything else. I tried to explain this to my dad, and he just didn't get it. Oh well.

After that, I went to run a few errands..and I went to my counselling appt, where I just started crying. It was a good session, tho, and even tho I felt drained when it was over, I was glad I had gone. I ended up leaving work early last night, due to my news...I came home and I had a bath, and I did my nails:)

I also have a new addiction..Pinterest!! I love it!!!

Well, that has been my week so far!!!! I know my Lord is carrying me!!!