Sadness

My heart is breaking tonight with some news I heard earlier this morning. I was going to title this blog post "Death", because I have been thinking of death the last few days...what it would be like to lose a child. I actually came upon a blog, who's friends daughter died of a brain tumour (she was 5, I think??). I ended up finding this girls funeral service online, as I wanted to see ballet the girls dance class was doing. It was a very moving service (don't worry, I didn't waste an hour of my time watching some random child's funeral, in case you were thinking I was odd) and it got me thinking of burying your children. A parent should never have to bury their child. I am also following some blogs of BLM's (Baby Loss Mamma's), where their babies were born prematurely, or had pre-existing conditions/diseases in the womb, and were not expected to live. So, every few days or so, I usually glance over them, and read the newest posts. I don't know what is drawing me to these. So, last night, I was restless. I couldn't sleep, and I was thinking of what it would be like if I had to say good bye to a child of my own (ok, yes, this is deep, but I think these things!!), and I couldn't sleep. I always wonder on how I would react, and deal with the situation. I don't know how any parent survives that. So, that is what partially kept me up last night.

I never (well, rarely) have sleepless nights. I usually go to bed as soon as my head hits the pillow. I usually sleep very well. Last night, though, my sleeping machine (well, the mask) was giving me problems. It was bothering my face, etc. I just ended up getting rid of it. I will try again tonight. So, if I do have a sleepless/restless night, I either pray, or just lay there. Now, I know that I will pray. Now, I know why I was restless (actually, I was restless for two nights in a row).

This morning, I got up, and I had plans to meet up w/ a friend for coffee, and had a full day of running errands. I wasn't on Facebook for more than a few minutes, when I received an email from a friend of mine, asking me if I had heard about a mutual friend of ours who had died. I was floored. To make a long story short (I won't go in to details), she was found dead yesterday afternoon(which was why I couldn't sleep two nights ago, either). I am shocked and saddened. She is my age, and has a husband and two beautiful daughters. Although we weren't super close, we were friends, so this is probably the closest friend in my life that I have lost. I have lost people that I knew, but they were either my grandparents (who were both suffering, and it was their time), or people that I really wasn't that close to. Now, my heart is breaking. I saw talked w/ her a couple of weeks ago for about 20 minutes. I saw her last Sunday, but she was busy, then she left, so I never said hello. She is on our list of "fast dial" numbers on our phone. She was someone who I sometimes went to when things weren't going so great. They gave us money to buy our car. I just don't understand it. We were almost in tears this morning. I am not looking forward to the funeral at all:( I would ask you all to pray for the K family. This is hard on our church, as well.

This reminds us all that death is NEVER far from us. It is very near. Sometimes, we think we are immune to death, but as I have come to know from being sick, it is never far. I have to admit, even after being sick, you kind of forget that death could ALWAYS happen!! We are never immune to it.

So, after reading that, I didn't know what to do. I felt guilty even THINKING of going about my day. They don't live in town, so it wasn't like I could go and help out, or be with the girls. I couldn't even make them supper. I did buy a card, and I will mail it to them. It was hard evening standing in that section...I can't even remember when the last time was that I picked out a sympathy card.

I think I will end here for now. There are a few more things to update, but I will save them for another time. I will say that we are doing ok (other than this, of course), and my job is going well:)

PS..I do apologize for my odd wordness at times. It always sounds so nice in my head, but then I forget how I worded when I get here to type it!!

News

Yes, I couldn't find a good title for this blog post!!


Thought I would update on some stuff happening around here. First off..my trip to Vancouver went well. I decided to make it fun, and just enjoy my time. And, for the most part, I did:) I stayed at my cousins, who is fairly close to VGH. I wish I had a ton of money, b/c then I could have walked from Coffee Shop to Coffee shop!! It was fairly nice two of the days I was there. I spent time visiting w/ Kelly and Sarrah, which was really nice. I really hadn't talked much w/ Sarrah (my cousins wife), so it was great to get to know her. I loved spending time w/ their girls. I felt fairly safe walking around Vancouver, and I did a lot of walking, including, walking back from VGH to their house on Thursday!!

My appts went ok..My appt at the MS clinic didn't really bring up anything new. She did say that she thought that I did have MS, but I will have to have another MRI, and an LP sometime. To be honest, that is the last thing on my "worry list", but I do know that I have to get it done. Not sure if I will have the LP here or in Vancouver. The Dr. that will do it is very good, so I will probably get it done here. The MRI is booked for December 15, and that will show if there are any more lesions, etc.

My other tests that I had to see if my body could carry a baby went well. At first, I was a bit stressed, b/c my aBg's (blood gasses) didn't come back that great (high Co2, and low O2), but none of the Dr's have gotten the results back yet, so I am not sure if there is even a need to worry. I also did an over night oxymetry, and no one has the results of that, either. I do see the parinatologist in November, so we will see then what they all think.

I took the bus to Vancouver and back, that was pretty enjoyable. I really don't mind the bus much..I usually enjoy the ride:)

I saw my Internist here in Kamloops, and my ECHO any my ECG came back fine. There is definitely fluid on my abdomen, and she has increased my diuretics, and I hope that will help some. There is also fluid on my pelvic area, and so I went for an U/S in Vernon (more on that in a minute), and I saw my Dr. yesterday, and he said that there is a cyst (or lesion) on my left ovary. So, I am seeing my GYNE sometime SOON (I hope) to get that looked. Not sure if I will have it taken off here or in Vanc. I will have to discuss that with them, I guess. (I have to get re-referred..the one thing I don't like about our Canadian Medical system is that you have to get re-referred for each individual problem..grr!!) I am trying not to worry about it...but I am...I hoping that is just that..a cyst..but I can't help but worry a bit. My cycle is also a mess, and I am wondering if that has something to do w/ it...hoping that when they take it out, my cycle will go back to "normal". (not that it's normal, anyway..but at least it came the same time each month)

I had 4 days in Vancouver, and was home one day, then on the road again to my parents' for Thanksgiving. It was a nice weekend, and we stayed at the B&B, so it was like a bit of a holiday. The food, fun, fellowship were great!! My brother, Luke and his wife were here, so it was fun seeing them. Adam and Krystle were on a vacation, so they were missed.

Anker's birthday was on Friday, so we ended up going to Vernon for my u/s, and then left just as quickly as we came...and then found a pumpkin patch, and picked some pumpkins. We came away with about 7 (gourds included). Saturday, Anker wanted to puree them, so they are now in our freezer, awaiting for me to bake something good with it.

I got a job today! I start tomorrow!! I will be working w/ Big Brothers and Big Sisters, telemarketing for their Renew Crew. I hope it goes well, and that they are flexible w/ me having to go away for med appts, etc. It is in the evening, 20 hours a week Mon-Thursday, so for the most part, unless I have to go to Vancouver, there shouldn't be a problem. I am really hoping that it works, as we could use the money, and it will be nice to get caught up. I am going to try it for a month, and it if it too much (like if I really hate it, it's too much, etc) I will give it up..but I pray not!!

So, we may go out tonight to celebrate. I want to watch a movie, and they have a great deal at our downtown movie theatre..so we may go there.

Oh..back to Anker's bday...after the pumpkin patch, we got back in to Kamloops, and we went out for supper at Lynx Grill. We had never been there before, and it was really good. We will definitely go back!! The dessert was to die for!! (he also got a Tim Horton's GC, of which I am making good use of!)

Things have been crazy in the family, too. Just yesterday, my uncle had a heart attack, and is still in ICU. He was driving his car when it happened, so we are grateful that he didn't kill himself our others while driving.

There have been other things happening as well, but I won't say them here yet...

A couple of weeks ago (can't remember the date) Adam and Krystle were on their way to Vanc, for their holiday, and stayed here for the night. We had a nice time of visiting, and we made them a nice pork dinner. Anker tried a Danish dish, and it was really good. Krystle and I spent the next afternoon hanging out together..going for coffee, a great visit..and checking out the new local library, and even an antique shop. When we got back, Joseph and Cadence were are our house, as they were in Kamloops for a couple of days, and we ended up spending the evening w/ them

Anker got some dental work done (root canal), and the dentist never even charged him!! (It's the dentist he cleans for). He also saw the Ophthalmologist a couple of weeks ago, and will be seeing him again next week, and it looks like he has glaucoma...and he needs glasses terribly. I hope now that with this job, we can find the $$ to get them. We thought of going on Disability, but I really don't think that I could get it, and it would be less $$ than we are making now (granted, we would have our trips to Vanc. paid for, and also our medical and dental paid for), but it looks like I have a job, so I don't have to worry about that now.

I think that's about all for now!!

I will try to update a bit more.

Lost and Found!

I really don't feel like blogging tonight, but it HAS been awhile, so I wanted to just do a quick update.

It's been a beautiful few days here...nice and warm, and the leaves are turning, so it is just beautiful.

We had one of my brothers and his wife over the other night, so we cleaned the house like we hadn't cleaned it in awhile...and made a nice supper. I spent the next afternoon w/ K, and we just hung out and did fun things:) Library, an antique store, and coffee:) That evening, my OTHER brother and his wife came, and we visited and ended up having supper together. Then, we looked at old pictures. (more on that later)

Yesterday, a friend of mine called and asked if I wanted to do coffee...I said yes (I hardly EVER refuse coffee dates), and we had a nearly two hour visit. I had a few things to do, including go to the WI clinic to make sure that I don't have a blood clot in my leg. It has been sore since Tuesday, and I was worried about it..thankfully (well, maybe not thankfully, but at least it's not urgent), it's probably a slipped disc, which is odd, b/c my back isn't sore at all. I think my legs are getting better.

I wish I could update you more on our lives, but to be honest..I can't quite remember what I was going to update you on..back in September!!

I am following way too many blogs..I can't get rid of any..does anyone know how to do that??

We attended a wedding of a friend last Saturday. It was a lovely wedding, and we had a fun time. I even got Anker out on the dance floor a couple of times.

Well, on to the title of my post:)

A week ago this last Wednesday, I was at the bathroom at the library, when my engagement ring flew off. I hardly ever wear my rings, b/c they are too big, since i have lost weight, but I had worn them the day before, and I just left them on..well, it flew off. I looked EVERY WHERE..and i was soo upset! I thought for sure that I had flushed it down the toilet..never to see it again. Well, for the wedding we went to, I put on this cheap ring that i had bought years ago, but at least it looked decent. This past Wednesday, I was going out to grab something, when I SEE IT!! It was on the floor, right by closet, under my flip flop! I was sooo excited!! My SIL prayed that I would find it..but I assured her that it was never to be seen again!! Yes, she (well, really God did) had the last word!! LOL.

Also...back to my old pictures..From about the time I got my first real good (film) camera (about 1990-1991), I took a ton of pics...until about 1995-1996. Well, those albums, somehow got misplaced..and i was sure that they were in the garbage. Well, a few weeks ago..my sister tells me that the found some old albums of mine..I just thought that they were record albums. Well, low and behold..what do I see in the back of the Suburban? That's RIGHT!! My albums! Oh man..I wish I had a good scanner..I would put soo many pics on FB:) LOL

I went to Vernon to get an U/S done on my abdomen, and we found out that there is fluid on it..as well as in my pelvic area..lovely. I will see my specialist mid Oct. I also will have an Pelvic U/S on the 15th of October. You can get u/s's soo much quicker than you can here. Crazy!! My friend (who drove me) and I had a great time..sitting in Starbucks (well, outside, actually), talking in the sun...walking the mall, and checking out places on the way back.

I had a date night w/ Anker a few weeks ago..complete w/ candles, and table cloths!! We watched a couple of movies after. Yes, that is what our date nights consist of. I am considering going on PWD. I will check into that when I get back.

Will be having Thanksgiving at the ranch this year..my brother and his new wife will be there...should be fun. I will only be home one day, and then we go out there.

I am heading to Vancouver tomorrow. Was going to be going w/ Anker, but I found out that it is a 4 day thing (one appt that I thought was on Tuesday is on Thursday), so I am staying w/ my cousins, and try to enjoy some time in the big city. I will try to catch up w/ some friends while I am there.

That's about all for now, I think. Nothing really new on the job front..I had an interview, but I don't think that I got it.